Tangled and Challenged

Chapter 5

Monday, August 15, 2016

The day started out good. I have changed my thinking since I got off work. My mom has lost her mind. I have just found out what has been going on with my brothers and sisters. It's worse than when I was living there. It hurts and ticks me off. I just don't understand.

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

When I am writing in my journal, I feel a whole lot better. I can write everything out and not worry. It's just like talking to God. When I'm praying throughout the day, I feel so relieved. I'm starting to find myself being happy again. I enjoy listening to music and just having a great time. I got my glasses yesterday, and everything is so much clearer. I'm really starting to learn what needs to be done.

I know with the relationship I'm in, there are some limitations. Yet, I still want to try. I want to see how long our relationship will last. I want to enjoy having someone who is there for me. I know I have my family, but I hate being single. For me, for what bothers me about it is, when I'm single no one wants to date me. When I have someone that's when everyone wants to show up.

Thursday, August 25, 2016

When you learn, you must face the reality of your life, you realize just how much I need to grow. I know at times I can be hypocritical and horrible. I know I need to start being a better person. I've been trying to remember everything my aunt Lisa has told me. I want to become a great person.

Sunday, August 28, 2016

There is so much going on inside my head. One of the big things is about Nate coming this upcoming month. I want to see him and spend time together. I have come to understand that by just being me, I am being somebody. There isn't a person who is exactly like me. I'm excited to see what is going to happen to me. I'm happy about the person I am when I'm letting go of the things on my chest.

Being able to literally just let go of all the issues I have inside, makes me feel so relieved. A lot of times when Im just typing away, I am wanting to let go. I'm wanting to just feel free.

Thursday, September 1, 2016

Yesterday, I was having bowel movement the whole day. Then this morning puke was what got me. I took some Pepto-Bismol. I took two naps today and I usually don't. I'm wondering what I should write about NaNoWriMo. I miss being able to write. I took the practice test for the driver's test and I failed. I am going to read over the manual some more. I want to make sure I pass. I want to read it as many times as I need to. When I took the test in school, I read the manual three times. Maybe that will work this time.

I'm hoping I will get even better at doing what needs to be done. When I was texting Nate today, he sent me a text of where he was reading Genuine Commitment. It makes me happy knowing he supports me. I hope so much, but as I have learned many times, only God can help make things happen. It's a relieving feeling to know, well to remember a lot of things I have believed in. I know I am going to get back into writing. I know just writing about what I know is good. There is so much truth in doing it.

Even though I seem to find myself being bored since I have stopped, I know I will get back into doing it.

Friday, September 2, 2016

It's been a heck of a day. The shop was flooded a little bit. My aunt bought up Nate again. It makes me think about what's going on between us. I haven't told her everything. What I have told her, there have been so many red flags. Maybe one day I will learn from this. I just hate that I end up struggling within myself about it. I am not trying to fight with myself any more. Maybe one day things will go perfectly. I must keep holding out.