Tangled and Challenged

Chapter 10

Every time I watch the movie, The Help, I think about what it means to tell the truth about who you are. I have written down a ton of things about my life, and the things I do. I didn't ever think about what it means to be me. To be honest, being me would seem easy. You just must have courage, friends who believe in you, and a whole lot of room for praying. That's how I live my life.

You wouldn't think that because of all the things I have said and done. I've noticed how making changes has changed me on the inside. I now feel like I have a soul. I feel alive. I try to keep sane about what goes on. When I get, mad I start cursing and hitting. I don't have the same control I used to. When I was in high school, going got me away from the house. Being at school kept me from thinking about home, until I got on the bus. There were times where I would talk to my friends about it. The day usually ended well. Being home just seems to keep me on edge. I know I lose my patience very quickly. I know when I go on my walks I get calmed down. I get calmed down because I can talk to God. I have the chance to think. I get to clear my mind. I feel a lot better afterwards.

Lately, each walk I go is with Mike. We talk about what's been going on for us during the week. We talk about our plans for the next week. We laugh and joke around. When we go on the dock we look at the fish. I start laughing each time he curses out this big fish he can't catch each summer. I enjoy each walk with him. The romantic moments come then too. To me it's amazing. I love those moments.

During those moments, I feel so warm. I feel one with nature. I can literally feel the breeze. It's very peaceful outside. I feel as if I can enjoy it more. I feel at one. I don't think about the complicated stuff. I just live in the moment. I think when I'm outside or in the calmness of the woods is when I feel at peace. Its relaxing, and to me it will be the perfect place to meditate. There won't be anyone to bother you. I think that's the best part. You don't have someone trying to boss you around. I love the emotion behind it.

Everyone has a place where they feel most at ease. I find it wonderful. We can even conjure up one in our minds. When we were little, we would allow the books we read to take us places. Now, we can just use our imagination. Our imagination can spread far and wide. I have spent a lot of time reading. I like picturing the story in my mind. I find it helpful.

A lot of things are helpful. I have learned moving on from one topic to another gets annoying. For me it helps me to know who is paying attention. Holding onto secrets can cause you to become a secretive person. It could also mean you are a loyal friend. There are many situations where we feel scared for our lives. In those cases, it's best not to tell. There are truths which need to be told. Some truths will never be told. We want to tell our parents off bad. In cases like that, telling the truth can cause you to get your hide kicked. I don't think anyone wants that. Sometimes you feel as if you can't sit down afterward.

Spankings do hurt. They tell you not to move. You can't help but move. You can't dodge getting hit. Sometimes you might end up with a parent who will hit you anywhere. A lot of times it feels like it would just be better to take the spanking. Most times you want to get revenge after your siblings. When you fight with your brothers and sisters you don't always have a winner or loser. Sometimes neither person wins.

By that I mean both people get the spanking. My dad used to have a saying. His saying was, "if one did it, you all get it." I didn't like it. I learned then, that it didn't pay to get into stuff. When I was 12 during the summer it was a disaster. There was a butt spanking every day. We used to get into stuff and we had to suffer the consequences. My siblings and I didn't like being home with my dad. That part of my life still lingers. I am happy it's over. Now there are new challenges. I am going to keep striving. It will be totally awesome.

A lot of things will seem awesome. I just know it's because I can see myself becoming something great. Anything can happen when I get there. I am excited about it. Now, when I think about how many times I have gotten excited, I realize most of it was over simple things. You can be happy about anything you want. You just must remember to change your emotion during a tough situation.

It's that whole self- control thing. You got to do things one step at a time. It works best that way. Anyway, I have learned in the relationship I have now, step by step is best. I think rushing through it would have left me without him. Believe you, me, I have had my share of being dumped. Currently falling in love happens every day. You never know what's going to happen. Relationships as a couple, I have found to be challenging. You got to be able to find out how the person you are with is like. You must listen to them when they have a problem. You must be able to console them if they upset. You can't just worry about yourself. A lot of times that's where the problem lies. If you want to be with someone you must take them into account too.

If you feel your heart beating fast around the person you are with, you better think about what to do. I know I get that feeling. When you talk about the person you're with, with your friends, they can tell your reactions. They can tell because you might be smiling constantly. You could be blushing. Sometimes when you hang out as a group with him, you aren't looking sad. You and your partner could be looking at each other.

Sometimes it could be you looking at them, and they're not now. Other times they could be looking at you, and you're not looking at them. It's a common thing with couples. After a year, you get used to each other. Sometimes when you get to that point, your attitudes towards each other changes. You don't act all clingy to each other. You start to get in funky moods if the other does something. You guys start arguing over petty things. Some people see it as the time to breakup. Others try going to counseling. A lot of times it's from something deeper.

When you're in therapy, the therapist will dig deep into your relationship. They will try to figure out what the big issue is. A lot of times it's from issues they had when they were growing up. I know some of this due to the shows I watch. I have learned a lot from watching a show called, Couples Therapy. Dr. Jen is cool. She works with these couples for weeks.

While they are there, they must work through their problems. A lot of times, the couples argue with other couples. They argue with each other, sometimes even Dr. Jen. I have learned that even after therapy, the couples do separate too. They do learn how to react during their next relationships. It's amazing the progress that's made. There will be many different solutions. You can find one which works for you. I know from my past; I have learned how to react during my relationships. I have learned a lot about not telling things. Sometimes when you're in a relationship you get nervous about sharing secrets. It's one of the tensest moments in a relationship.

Once you start releasing those things you start to be feeling better inside. It gives you a sense of peace. You learn a lot in the relationships you have. I know that's where the whole truth and honesty comes from. Telling the truth does bring trouble though. That's very important to know. It's important because sometimes people can feel hurt by the things you say. That's why you must be kind and warm.

When you're in a relationship, you must remember things take time. You must take things slow. You don't want to rush. Sometimes one of you is more fast pace. You must talk. If you communicate, things can be better. When you talk, you find out things you didn't think you would. Communication is a very big tactic. You must listen to each other. You can't work it out, if you keep interrupting each other. It does not work that way. Don't play with each other's emotions. You might end up hurt as well as them.