Tangled and Challenged

Chapter 5

Letting Go: Dec. 9th, 2015 at 4:18pm

Well, it's been a long time. It's almost a new year. The months sure do go by quick. I like that everything is going the way we want it to. Well, with most things anyway. I feel good right now. I have had my ups and downs, don't get me wrong. Yet, I do feel good.

Mood: Amused

Free Thinker: Dec. 20th, 2015 at 9:13pm

As time speeds, up, I have been being all over inside. It's like something is happening on the outside, which makes my insides act all out of sorts. I don't like that every time I am minding my own business, I end up hurting someone. My grandma believes I am doing it on purpose. I am not trying to.

Yet, convincing her is a no. I don't get what is so great about life. I enjoy being able to study the Bible. I like studying the Bible because it keeps me from exploding. Talking to God makes me feel a whole lot better. I know I don't pray like how other people do. I am not other people.

I know this life is supposed to teach me something. I just don't what it is.

Mood: Aggravated

Tension: Dec. 21st, 2015 at 6:58pm

As the days continue to go on, all I feel is the tension rise within me. Whether I tell the truth or not, I seem to get myself in trouble. This life is not what I wanted. Then again, I can't seem to keep happiness. Happiness is supposed to be all around. I am so mad; I feel like going off somewhere.

I am so annoyed at the way things are going. I am not meant to be sitting around trying to do what everyone else wants me to do. I swear I refuse to have kids until I am ready. I know my grandparents will say I am acting ridiculous. So, the fuck what if I am. I am not built to be a slave.

All I want is just to be happy. I am pretending to be happy at this point. At this point I feel like that because I am getting so annoyed. I'm so sick of my days going the same way. I don't want anyone constantly telling me about what I'm doing wrong. I don't want people constantly telling me that I am wrong for my thoughts. I know what I am thinking. I know how God views me. I am not trying to have someone up my butt.

I am not cut for this. I know what I want. I want to be the author I have always dreamed of being. I guess I am just mad at myself sometimes. I get mad at myself for a reason I can't understand. I know I can't change my past. Yet, I can change my future. I just hope I can become the person I have always dreamed of being.

Mood: Aggravated

Facing Reality: Mar. 6th, 2016 at 11:55pm

It's now towards the end of February. I haven't done anything I had set out to do, two years ago. When I came down here, I wanted to go to school, and then have a job. I wanted to be able to live by myself and can take care of myself. As always things didn't work out that way. I know the people who were routing for me, were shocked. I've been having to accept a lot through the years.

At this point, I am accepting the fact, I must wait to live out the dream of being a famous author. I know that's another reason why I am striving to post my stories and poems on figment.com. I feel a lot better when I post on there and Wattpad. I get actual results. I start to feel better about who I am. I like being a writer.