Tangled and Challenged

Chapter 5

June 2, 2016

Not for Regret:

My birthday is tomorrow and I will be twenty-two years old. I made it. College is starting soon. There is a part of me which just can't wait. I still must take the placement test of course. I have been going on khanacademy.org doing some math work. I am having trouble, yet I know if I keep practicing I will do better. I just want to score high on this placement test. The one thing about scoring high on the test is once it comes to me being in the higher math class.

When I was in high school, my teachers wanted to me to take higher math. I thought about it, but I thought I was going to be in over my head. My dad says I will do just fine. I know he is right. Of course, I'm always the worried one. I am just sikeing myself out.  Math is a hard subject. I hope I pass it. Algebra is very difficult. Well, not all the way. I think it's just the stuff I used to have a hard time with when I was in grade school. It's true. I want to make a good score.

I don't want to be placed in remedial classes. I was already in ESE classes and I know I can do my best. I did good then. I don't want to keep having a problem with math. I want to be a great student when it comes to math. I felt horrible knowing I scored a 300 on the math portion of the SAT. I was not happy about that. I studied my butt off for the test. Yet, the stuff on the SAT wasn't all of what we learned in the grade we were in. I know I can do it. My teachers used to tell me about having confidence in myself.

I just need to relax and study as hard as I can when I start school. That will be the best thing for me to do.

June 3, 2016

Venting:

Today is my birthday. I am now officially twenty-two years old. Of course, I don't feel like anything spectacular is going on. I have been at work for a little while. I thought my day was starting out good. My dad and I were trying to get things ready for my aunt to grill out today. She is having a barbeque for the guys today. Now, I am all for it. Yet, there is always something about me not doing something.

Before she got here, I helped my dad with cleaning of the grill wracks. Then, I started helping with cleaning off the grill. Now when she pulled up, she automatically said, "your father got you doing the dirty work." Then she asked me if I knew how to clean the grill. I told her no, and she said, "yeah." I stood on the side waiting for her.

June 5, 2016

Just a Chance:

It's just a whole lot of things going through my head. My dad is a great person. I have written a lot. I have put my stories together. Life happens and you just got to go with it. I have been learning and trying to get myself together. I'm just trying to understand what is right and what is wrong. My dad said my aunt didn't ruin my birthday.

I guess to me it felt like that because I couldn't get past the fact of getting yelled at. I'm so used to having to pull myself from feeling sad and hurt that I am not realizing just how strong I am. Everyone wants to say about turning me into a strong black woman. Yet, they haven't realized they are breaking me into where I just don't want to be bothered.

June 6, 2016

Just the morning:

It's now 9:33am and I am at work. I have called Midlands Tech to find out about the placement test. I am very pleased knowing I can take the test. I wish I can just go and take the driver's test so I can have my license, I am sitting at work in my chair being a little bored. I'm not too bored because I know there is something I can do. I know my aunt is right about it not being fair that I sit in the office with the air on and be on the computer all day, while the guys are outside working in the heat on the cars.