Tangled and Challenged

Chapter 8

November 24, 2016

Happy Thoughts:

It's been a great day. I have eaten enough food. I have spent time with loving people and I have been feeling good. There was a scare about my uncle though. I just hope my uncle can let himself rest. I think he is so used to working, that he doesn't care what happens to him. He just wants to make sure everyone else is happy before himself. With doing that, there is still the worry about what can happen to him. I just pray everything will work out.

October 28, 2016

Being Strong:

I am 22 and I feel like I'm nothing. I have been going from family member to family member. I wish I could get myself together. I keep thinking maybe I should get two jobs. I want to do so much more. I want to feel confident.

December 8, 2016

Been a While:

I finished NaNoWriMo. I won, but I wish I could have done it every day. It's all good though. I have been talking to an old friend. I am back to getting those feelings for him. I guess it's true, you shouldn't talk to your ex's. I don't care too much. He is sweet.

December 9, 2016

Happy:

I am feeling good. I am going to keep trying to better myself. It seems relationships are just not for me. I know in time I will get past it. I know I will feel better one day.

December 26, 2016

Oh, so joyful:

I had a great Christmas holiday. It's been a great weekend too. I have even got a new boyfriend. His name is Ace. I am going to find out as much as I can about him. I don't want any unsuspected surprises.

January 28, 2017

Freedom is Real!

Even though I have been trying not to lose my cool for a long time, I have finally done it. A few nights ago, it happened. It's a good thing I was on the phone with my best friend. I guess I was just more comfortable spilling my guts to her instead of my dad and the other people around me. Then again, she did tell me to calm down as always. I think it was just the mere fact I let everything build up for so long to where I just exploded. It's something I was always afraid would happen when I was in high school. I swore I would end up that way. I'm just glad it didn't. I have been so worried about the reactions of others, I almost forgot about myself. It has just been a long couple of years. There are so many different things I have done and I have been trying to keep calm.

I'm just glad I am getting back to being strong. I have missed being the doubtful, but strong person I have always been. Friday night when my dad told me to focus on school, I wanted to snap. That's the one thing I have always done. It just baffled me to even think he didn't think I could do it. I keep thinking he wants me to be a spinster. It might just be in my head. Anyway, I am still working, and I just want a little bit of love. I want love of my own. I hate being the third wheel and constantly being the one frowned upon because I had two nights where I got to be like any other woman getting affection I have always wanted to have the good grades and love at the same time. I have only had it twice and I just want it again. It's not a hard thing to ask for. I just know it will happen soon enough. I am just so tired of having to wait for everything to happen to me.

It's ridiculous if you ask me.

I'm just going to keep trying to be happy. I don't start school until September. I can balance work, school and a relationship. I just don't think my dad believes in me enough. I think it's another reason why I need to try harder. I want to prove all those who have been negative to me wrong. I want to be the one on top. I know normally that's what a guy wants. Yet, I just want to be the one who has finally achieved her goals. I have been wanting to do so much with my life. I don't want someone trying to stop me. I know I oversee my future. I just want to keep on pushing. It's something I know all too well. I don't think anyone else can tell me they weren't in the same position. If they can't then there must be something wrong. Anyway, that's just my opinion. I have been feeling a whole lot better over my writing. It's starting to get noticed and I am proud of myself. I'm more thankful too.