Tangled and Challenged

Part 5: Just A Little Bit More (Part 2)

As time went by, it became five months since I had dated anyone. When I decided to want to start dating again, it was a big deal. She didn't want me dating someone from the town we lived in. The problem with that was I barely went anywhere, except for if I was with her, or her mother. I joined a dating website called POF, which stands for Plenty of Fish. Well, there were some people I would not pick out to talk to ever again.

Well, the wife of my grandfather started saying about me talking to thugs and horrible people. Well, things just kept getting worse. She wanted to say about me stealing her daughter's clothes and me messing up technology and crap. First off, her daughter is a little girl, and her daughter hid the shirt. Second, my technology was way better than theirs.

All of this was happening, and the only thing I wanted to do was go to school. I just wanted to go to school, and can be on my own, and not have to look back on the crap I had been through. It didn't go the way I wanted. Having to go through all the crap I went through, makes me think sometimes.

A lot of times I do find myself thinking about it. I think about how much time I spent with my grandfather's wife and her family. I think about how at times I was happy. Of course, I always knew at the end of the day, I was going to hear about something I was doing wrong. I was always trying to keep from exploding. Yet, it didn't go that way.

I was mad that I just kept messing up over the little stuff. I kept thinking something was wrong with me. No matter how many times I tried to make sure I was doing things right, there was always somewhere I had slipped up. It became to where she wasn't letting me forget it. I knew I was messing up, I didn't need for her, or her daughter and grandson constantly reminding me of it.

Then there was that day she had hit me in the car, and I just lost it. I know I shouldn't have opened a moving car, but I wanted to get away at that point. I fought to get out of her grasp, and I got out that car. I started walking down the road to her mother's house. She just kept trying to explain. In my mind, I was thinking, "you told me no one could hit me. Yet, you just hit me."

I listened and I just tried to keep my composure. Throughout the rest of the time I was there, it just kept getting bad. Knowing I couldn't go to my own relatives because of the fact they weren't talking to me, I knew I had to stay where I was. There were reasons why I was there. She was supposed to be helping me get my social security back.

You see, I was born with a shunt in my head. It helps blood flow through my body. It's in my head, it runs down the right side of my head down to my stomach. Now, back when I was living with my mother, my mom had my social security cut off. I don't know the reason, and I probably will never know. Yet, knowing they were all I had, and as angry and frustrated I was in the situation, I knew I had to stay with it.

At the end of January when I went to the therapist, my grandfather's wife told me to act out. With me acting out, they sent me to a crisis center away from her. I was there for four days. They had me on medicines and I could eat what I wanted. The one thing was I was supposed to act crazy. I was supposed to act like there was something severely wrong with me.

Well, I figured if I did what she wanted, when I got back with her, things would be different. Sadly, I was wrong. Things just went back to normal. I kept getting in trouble for messing up with getting certain items from the store. She was saying about how I was doing stuff all wrong. I was getting even more angrier and frustrated. It seemed to never stop. During the month of February, I had met a guy on POF.

She just kept on with how I was talking to weird people. In my mind, I was thinking, "you said, not to date anyone from this town. You were all for this. Now that I'm making progress, you want to be difficult." When I started talking to this awesome hot guy on POF, I was nervous. I was nervous about how things were going to go. I didn't want her scaring him off. Throughout the first day of us texting off POF, we discovered how much we had in common. When we were talking, he told me he wanted to tell me something, but he didn't want to text it to me. When he called me, I was so nervous. I thought it was going to be bad.

It was just that he had two girls. I told him I couldn't date him because there would be baby mama drama. Over time, my mind was changed because I developed strong feelings for him. He wasn't making it any easier with telling me how much he liked me. I just felt something for him. As February was ending he started to notice a change in me. I finally told him about everything that was going on. He was saying about me going with him. At first I was going to, but after thinking about it, I wanted to be with him after we had fully established what we were to each other. When I had spoken to my dad, I had told him and I chose to go with my dad.

The same day I was leaving with my dad, the guy I was talking to, I met at our church. It turned out, he used to go there. I got to see him and still be with my dad. Of course, there was some drama with my grandfather's wife. I knew I should have expected it. After all that was over, things got better. I now live with my dad, and me and the guy are still going strong. I'll tell his name later. Throughout the time, I have been with my dad, I have looked over my online journal. It's made me feel a whole lot stronger being able to go through and remember, and realize how lucky I am considering what others have been through.