Tangled and Challenged

Chapter 4

There are plenty of times where I just want to say whatever is going on trough my mind without having to hear anything else about it. Here are some of the things I have thought about.

I have family that gets on me. They say, "all day long, all you do is write. You job is to answer the phones. You can't make your hobby, your life. Your life is not centered on what you have been doing. Take a second to just understand what you have t offer the world."

I have my own reaction for everything they have said. Even if they don't like it.

I am not a normal adult. I am working, but there are two different opinions on what I should be doing. I am not trying enough they say. They want me to do more. If I start doing more, I don't want to hear a crack about anything. I had to learn to take responsibility a long time ago. I don't want to be a person who is so stressed out her hair starts coming out. I don't want to feel like I am a slave. I know I should be cleaning up more. There is a ton of things I can do. I don't like the fact I can get offensive. I was not raised like the rest of the children I grew up with.

When I was in high school, I was acting older than I should have been. Of course, I was older than everyone in my class. The only person I should be competing against right now is myself. I am heading in the right direction. I should be getting prepared for college. I am not trying to fall out of school. I understand I must work at the same time. I know what needs to be done. Yet, I don't want to lose out on who I am, because life came in the way. I think that's what happened to those around me, and even though they feel as if they are helping me, it's just making me feel like I'm inadequate. I have always wanted to be normal. Then I learned I am not normal, and I will never be normal. Do you know why I won't be normal? I won't be normal because there is no such thing.

Things happen every single day. Whether it's to me or someone else, things happen. Why is everyone being so worried about what I do? Am I bothering you by being by myself writing, reading and listening to music. So, the fuck what if what I buy is not what you would buy. I still try to save. I understand I need to help. Yet, no one in this whole world should care, yet they do. I am a grown person who feels, wants to enjoy life and has her own mind. Don't try and interrupt it by telling others about me, and then they come tell me.

I've had times where I have gone to people for advice. All that happens is people turn on you. They want to tell you how you should be. They want you to do things, the way they would. Good guess what? I'm not them. I'm not going to live a life they did. I have parts of my parents in me yes, but that doesn't make me them.

Yes, when I was growing up, I wasn't raised the right way it seems to others. Just know I am still standing here and wanting to become more than a simple workaholic, or a washed-up baby maker. I know I mess up every day. I don't need people constantly pointing it out.

I can have my own thoughts and feelings, can't I? I do and I don't want to be told I am wrong. Granted I am probably wrong every day. I know this, it doesn't need to be said out loud. Sometimes, just actually come talk to me, and you know, I know. I'm not stupid. I do forget sometimes though. Throughout time you will learn your mother is right. The only people you can trust is me, myself and I. That's only when it comes to the haters who pretend they're your friends.