Tangled and Challenged

Chapter 3

Monday, July 11, 2016

It's 9:44pm and I have been home for a little while. I came so close to being fired today. I really need to start telling my aunt Lisa when we run out of stuff. I also got my period today. That didn't make it any better. I ended up crying today. I honestly hate it. I wish I wasn't such a sap. I've also been debating about self-publishing.

My writing is getting me in trouble at work. I can't stop writing. I just don't know why I can't contain myself. Maybe one day I will learn to get better. I don't want to be fired. I must learn to follow directions better. There are a ton of things I need to learn how to do better.

Being able to write stories is something I have loved doing since I was 10. I liked writing about my friends and me going on adventures. I liked writing romances about middle schoolers. I liked when I had written my first autobiography. I liked being able to put reality into my fiction pieces. I love just being a writer period. My writing style may be different. Yet, it's my style and I like it the way it is.

Even though I work at a place where I am paid to answer the phones and clean, it doesn't mean I can't write too. I am sure I can work at the body shop during the day, and write at night. There are tons of writers who have started out that way. When I was in grade school, I would work on school, and the work on my stories. It worked then, and I believe it can work now. I'm a writer and I am going to be an English teacher. I love to read and write, and it would be perfect. I am always pushing myself with what I do.

I know I can handle it. I'm going to live my dream and provide for myself. I'm starting to realize there really isn't anything I can't do. I know with the way my life has been, I have been able to accomplish a lot. I studied hard and I know I can do the same now. I care about where I'm going to end up in life. I just know I must keep pushing. Pushing myself is one thing I know for a fact I can do.

I look at the clock, and I notice how slow it goes when I'm not doing anything. When I'm sitting on my laptop typing, or I'm writing, time sure does speed up. I'm going to die as a writer. I love how it feels when my hand moves across a page. I love the excitement which comes when I've got a new idea. I know I may not be too fond of writer's block, but I love being able to take breaks, and then come right back. I know I have already mapped my life out. It doesn't mean it won't change.

It's happened before many times. Between being a writer, school getting ready to start, work and trying to have a great relationship, my life is packed. Of course, I know how much each of those things means to me. I have been writing, it seems for forever. School is something I enjoyed besides writing and reading as a kid. Just having a relationship which hasn't ended yet, and knowing the feelings are mutual makes me happy. Life happens and you just must make due until you can achieve what you wanted.

There is so much I can say. I am tired and I don't feel like dealing with bull crap. I don't want to be woken up in the middle of the might because of loud noise. I don't feel like having to explain myself to a teenager. This world has different things going on all the time, and I am a tiny spec who just needs to relax and let fate take its course.

There are a ton of things on my mind. I'm always wondering what's going to happen next. I have so many wants, I just don't know how to keep up with all of it. I am feeling relaxed and calm right now. It's going on 11 now. I am learning about being proud of myself. My accomplishments with high school seem like nothing. I want to be proud of what I have done as an adult. I still have a long life ahead of me. I just want to do something which will make me feel real victory. I just need to get on my feet. I am sure there are times where I feel like I can do anything. Right now, I'm just wanting to live for me.