Tangled and Challenged

Chapter 4

Just an Update: Jun. 28th, 2015 at 2:28pm

A lot has happened since the last time I have posted. I have gotten back into writing to God. It seems I have been telling my boyfriend a lot more than anybody else. Between him and Joshalyn, I felt like they could help me with the tricky stuff. I have learned that talking about someone in the family can cause an explosion right in your face. I also learned that too much stress can cause horrible reactions.

I feel bad still. I know in due time will get past it. It's been great to spend time with the family. You never know what can happen. I am starting to get back to being the person I used to be. I started having a problem with myself. When I talked to Joshalyn yesterday, she helped me to understand life is going to have ups and downs. She let me know that I can make the decision.

I have come to some conclusions. I have realized things will be a lot better if I just stop listening to those influences from my family somewhat, I will be okay. I know I shouldn't put all my eggs in one basket. I can understand that dating people who do drugs/sell them is a very bad thing. I know what I want out of life. I just keep hoping that everyone would stop looking at the bad from my relationships.

Is that a bad thing to ask for? I mean it's not like I am trying to steer him in the wrong path. I am not. I guess this is the price I pay for wanting to be in love with someone younger. Now, if it was someone older, it would be about me not knowing what I am getting myself into. I guess when you are around family, you must remember that your decisions can affect everyone.

I should know that one already. I have been so worried about going back into cutting myself. Yesterday, I had to get Tyquain to understand I wasn't going to break up with him. It was a very fun and interesting day. I am glad my Nana is out the hospital. I didn't feel too great about her being there. I am glad she is home, and she got to enjoy her birthday party.

Mood: Peaceful

The Week: Jul. 5th, 2015 at 9:12pm

It's been a wild last week. This past week I went back to work. I haven't been able to sleep. My cousins feel I am no fun. My nana says the same thing. I know I let my family influence me. I can't help but wonder what they are going to say next. I know they love me. I am just the main one who says it before I get off the phone with one of my family members. I am in love.

I just wish my family would stop telling me about how wrong things I choose to do are. I want to be able to make my own decisions for this. I am so far gone with my anger. It's not good. Yet, I have been holding back from blowing my top.

Mood: Angry