Tangled and Challenged

Chapter 1

March 13, 2016

A New Day:

Well, I have been in this new state for going on a week now. I am starting to get used to things. Now, I have time to go over my stories. I showed one to my great aunt Lisa and she was telling me what she thought about the story. Well the way she said it, upset me. I know now that I should just keep on creating rough drafts. I want to make sure that my stories are all together.

I want for my readers to be able to understand what the story is about.

March 13, 2016

The day changes to night:

The day has ended. It was a great day to be honest. My dad finally talked to Nate. Nate is a great guy. It's amazing how he still wants to be with me, even though I am far away. Yet, I am going to be there for him in his situation. I feel bad that he doesn't have a way to get his girls. His daughters are cute as can be.

I saw a picture of them on Facebook. It's great knowing that we don't have any secrets between us. We talk all the time. We talk all day. We Skype and be on Snapchat. We just communicate well. I was singing on the smule sing! app. It was fun. I started using the ones where you are doing a video. I like what I was doing. I enjoy singing and when I get to sing with other people it's even better. I know I have a lot of work to do with my writing.

I got to get cracking. When I get back into school, I won't have too much time. Yet, knowing me I will make the time. It's important for me to be a great writer. It's something I am good at. I care about what my writing says about me.

March 14, 2016

It's Morning Time:

I am at work and the day has already started off bad. I forgot my lunch in the car. I can't seem to get my food stamp card canceled. I am so upset about this. I have been going through craziness. I understand I need to start getting things together for me to be a better adult. I just want to make sure I know what I am doing. There are so many things I want to do.

I am glad my parents have allowed me the chance to know how to do certain things by myself. If it comes down to it, I know I can always go to my dad. Even though growing up with my parents wasn't the best, I know my dad isn't going to turn his back on me. I have been finding out a whole lot of things. I am very surprised I didn't know some of this. Then again, when you're a kid, you aren't supposed to know certain things.

March 16, 2016

Acceptance

Sitting here at work, waiting for this work phone to ring, my brain is just going. There has been so much which has happened to me. I have survived a life I had chosen at one point. I'm knowing now, that the things which occurred was not normal. Finding that out, makes me understand why I have so many issues.

I know when I am by myself, and I am having a meltdown, I am thinking about everything. I have dealt with things, and I have come to realize one side of my family, although they love me, they don't care about my well-being. They felt like I needed to rot in misery. Putting up with it, was how I thought I could make it out.

All that did was just keep me stressed out, and getting angrier each day. I know that's not the way I should have been living. I know throughout my past I have done, and said things. Yet, I know I could ask God for guidance and forgiveness. I have learned from my mistakes. Right now, I am doing way better than before.

I know. I know a lot of things I shouldn't be knowing about just yet. When I have been around different people, experienced things, and have talked with people, I can say I do have a great amount of knowledge. Just because I have all this knowledge, it doesn't mean there isn't room for my knowledge to expand. I know my knowledge will get even better.

I know there is still a ton of things I need to work on. I must start letting go of all the things which have been bothering me. I know talking to God is a great way to release what's inside. I know now with everything working out the way it is, I won't be too worried about all the craziness. I'm going to start letting go of the old, and enjoy the new.

March 18, 2016

I'm Letting Go

It's been another day. Work was okay. I messed up again. Yet, little things can be fixed. I just got to keep at it. It's only been a week in a half. It seems so much longer. There is a lot of things I need to let go. I have so much pinked up inside. I am happy now that things are starting to get better for me. I am trying to get myself back into doing what I used to do. My great aunt Lisa said about writing just being my hobby. If writing was a hobby I wouldn't care about it like I do.

I am glad I got some new shoes and a new outfit. She bought them for me. She also got me a flat iron. I am happy to have these things. I know I need to start acting more grown up to show everyone I can do it. I am starting to get better. I just need to control my emotions. Even last night when I was talking to Nate, my hidden thoughts were coming out.

It felt good to talk about it with someone. It's just I wasn't trying to do it like that. I think God knows better than I do. I am going to start releasing a lot more. It bothers me my poems get more attention than my stories. I know I need to work on my writing. I need to get back into the basics. I just need to focus. I am liking work. Well, I like being able to get paid every week. I like knowing that if I stick it out, and try not to break down, I will be okay.

For so long, I have wanted to be independent. I didn't want to keep relying on others. Yet, my life hasn't been the easiest. I have been feeling like I was going to explode. I mean this life has taught me a lot in just the 21 years I have been alive. I am really starting to understand what it means to let go. I have a lot I want to get off my chest. I hate that when I get told about something and I hear it, I start crying.

Today I learned I have gingivitis. I don't like knowing that my teeth are causing the bad odor in my mouth. I do want to get rid of it. I am going to try and get things done. I have a ton of things I need to do. I have my dad now. I like having my dad in my life. My dad is my protector for a lot of things. Of course, what he says still goes. I'm living with him again. It's how it's got to be. I'm happy about having a solid foundation of life.

I know I have been out of sorts. I can understand that perfectly. I have just been having so much worry about what my day is going to be like the next day. I think about all the crap I have been through before this point. I listen to my music to try and calm my nerves. When I start writing I feel better. Yet, no my writing isn't even going the way I want it too. Hopefully, I can get myself together. I am disappointed in myself. There is a ton of things I have yet to do.

Finding out that with my SAT scores being an 1130, I must go to a junior college and then transfer doesn't make me feel bad. It's just ridiculous I have been screwed over so many times. Usually, if I was at my mom's house I would be going nuts. I probably wouldn't be as stable as I am right now. I would be way off the deep end. That isn't a great thing. I hope I can get myself on the right track.

I keep thinking there is something wrong with me. There isn't anything wrong to others. I just got to start acting more like an adult now. I have been around kids for so long, that's all I know how to do. I knew how to act like an adult when I was in school. I took it seriously. School was the one place I could escape. I don't have anything to escape now. My life is good. I am happy with it.