Tangled and Challenged

Chapter 5

There is so much I have learned over the years. Even though I am still young, I consider myself old. I have always been the oldest one in my class. I like being able to learn. The closer it gets to me being in school, the more anxious I become. I'm ready to be back in a classroom, learning different things. This time I will be a college student. I know college is a whole other ball game. I'm sure I can handle it. I will just push myself like I always do. When I'm pushing, myself it gives me a boost to want to finish. I love a good challenge. It's one of the reasons why I chose to do CampNanowrimo. I wanted to see if I could get that many words.

Before I started doing CampNanowrimo, I had never reached 50,000 words before. I did a lot of research to prepare me. For me the highest I would get is to 21,000 words. Now that I know what half a novel is, and how long a novel is, I want to push myself farther. My best friend thinks I should keep on self-publishing my work. There are a lot of people I know who have watched me go bananas trying to get a story finished. They cheer me on, and try to keep me from giving up. They are my dream team. My dream team includes my best friends, former teachers, my family and my current boyfriend.

I've been writing for so long, and wishing I could have the money to be published. I'm glad I went with self-publishing. I just want to see what people think. I know my readers here on Wattpad were loving it. I'm proud of Genuine Commitment. It's could wake me up. I have gone back to thinking about all the potential I have. I'm so worried I will have all the support in the world it seems, but no one will read it. My best friend told me I need to quit that. I am very proud of myself. When I'm editing is when I get the most agitated.

It's because I'm over here going over the story, and I'm thinking it's all crap. I'm the type who will throw her work away, start over, and then repeat the process. When I was back home with my mom and siblings, I got so mad at one of my stories, and I took the notebook, and burned it in the fireplace. That day I was glad I did it because I came out with a better idea for the same story. Of course, my family thought there was something wrong with me. They all thought I was giving up writing completely. Thankfully, it was not the case.

I'm starting to see why a lot of the classic writers have smart comments about this profession. It can make your head spin, and make you feel like you are losing your life. Yet, we keep writing. My dad makes me laugh when I tell him I'm stuck. He was a writer when he was younger too. He didn't like how everyone was judgmental. Hey, I don't blame him because I feel the same way. Of course, it's not a hobby for me anymore. I am going to go to college to become an English teacher. When I'm doing that, I am going to be writing my stories on the side. I can't give it up completely.

Back in high school, I learned some of my teachers were writers themselves, and they gave it up. For them to be encouraging me, it makes me want to succeed more. I want to make them proud, as well as myself. I'm overjoyed about what I have could accomplish as a writer over the years. I could turn an English assignment, a short essay into a chapter book. It was back in middle school. I was fourteen years old when I wrote that story. It was called My Accident. It was a romance piece. I was very proud of that story.

Back then you could say I was the writer version of Taylor Swift. I used to form stories, making my ex-boyfriends characters. I made the stories very interesting though. One story I hope to publish one day is a story I wrote when I was 12. It came out to be 103 pages handwritten. It was called The Tale of a Middle Schooler. It was an adventure story about my friends and me. I was very good about including the people I care about. I do ask their permission first. Sometimes it was just their personalities. When I was in middle school, I loved editing my stories. I always knew I could make it sound better.

These days I'm getting back into liking it. It's coming back slowly. For me, I just want everything to be perfect. Yet, I know it won't be. I just keep going. I like knowing I can reach new heights with my stories. It gives me something to look forward to, with the next big idea. It gives me the chance to see how far I can go. I think that's the real point of NaNoWriMo. It's just my opinion. No one needs to get all crazy on me. I used to love reading all types of books. I grew up liking being in love. It must have been all those princess movies and love stories I was watching. It's also probably why I'm a hopeless romantic.

I love being able to come up with different things to write about. OF course, somewhere down the line romantic exists. It's just like in classic books, movies and TV shows. Of course, once reality sets in, we all know the truth. I know, "you have something to say about everything." I am very opinionated. It mainly comes up in thorough conversation. It doesn't mean I don't care. For me, I see it as just not limiting myself. When I'm writing, it comes out a lot. It's when I'm not comfortable. I had a teacher back in seventh grade who told me, "writing is your voice."

I've been learning since then, she was right. I write no matter what emotion I am feeling. It makes me feel a whole lot better. There are times where I will repeat myself. It's because for me, the same thing continues to happen. Lately, things have gotten better. I'm growing in a new way, and that's probably why. Even though writing and reading is one of my all-time favorite things to do, I do other things too. I like singing karaoke. I may not sing well, but it sure does relax me. I like listening to music, and playing on the Wii. I like watching TV as well. I'm like any regular person.

It's just most times I know how to occupy myself. I grew up knowing if I didn't find something to do, my parents were. I learned very quickly. When I'm doing something, I want to give it my all. I don't want anyone to say I did poorly. Of course, there is always going to be someone who has something rude and hurtful to say. If there's one thing I've noticed when I'm writing the truth, it's that I can seem very judgmental myself. I find it okay when I know at times when I'm writing on my blog, I tend to bash myself. Hey, I have my moments when I get inside myself too.

I have my days when I can be a little of everything. I can be very emotional. I can also be a very hot spit fire. By that I mean, I can get very mean. I know how to be though. I am getting better with controlling my temper. I'm very pleased about it. I am just like any other person, except I love to write. Being a writer has changed my perception of a lot of things. I have been learning so much on this journey. When I'm writing, I am focused on it. I enjoy going over it, as I am working on it. I like being able to read about how far my characters are going in their lives. I love everything about it. I know there are times when I wish I could quit. If I quit, no one will be able to see what I can do. I don't want that happening. I'd rather do the work to get a good reaction.