Sing For Me

I couldn't stay away

It's early we've only just opened the store I'm sat on a kick stool filling one of the cosmetic stands at the front of the shop arranging all the lip sticks and lip glosses in the correct order making sure they are all facing the right way.

"So which is your colour then?" I hear, the voice making the hairs on the back of my neck rise up, it's Ben, I'd been so wrapped up in what I was doing that I hadn't heard him walk in. I turn to look at him he's wearing the jacket again. 

"Hi" I say as he walks towards me,  I step forward, but suddenly I lose my footing and realise I've  stepped into the stock box at my feet and I'm about to go flat on my face. "Oh shit" I yell as I feel myself start to fall.

"Whoa it's OK I've got you" he says holding me by arms, his grip is strong yet gentle. 

"God I'm Sorry, you must think i'm such a clumsy idiot" I say as I gather myself enough for him to let go. He's laughing.

"Ben" I smile

"Lisa" he replies with that sweet little boy grin "It's lovely to see you again" he says

"Thank you so much for my flowers" I tell him

"Did you like them" he asks

"They were beautiful" I say, he was pleased that he had pleased me his expression made me feel warm inside.

"Well I wanted to thank you for your help the other day" he says,  I smile

"Oh I see" I answer 

"Ok I'm lying, I sent them for other reasons" he says smiling again "So many other reasons" and suddenly I can hardly breathe.

"I'm intrigued" I say teasing him a little 

"I couldn't stay away" he says, I was gripped by the way he spoke so, I don't know not posh but so proper and so sweetly, I barely knew this man but there was something about him I was drawn to, something I hadn't felt before, it excited me but frightened me at the same time.

"And I was wondering if you'd like to come and have a drink with me sometime" and suddenly my emotions are in conflict and I think he senses it "A coffee, maybe" he adds 

He looked at me awaiting a response "it's uh a bit difficult I uh" he was still staring into my eyes.

"Well do you have a lunch break today " he asks

"Yes" I say, I want to go but those damn bloody demons are there putting up those barriers 

"Well, let me take you to the a little coffee shop round the corner, they'll be plenty of people around, just in case you think I'm some nut job" I giggled at him and he copied."It's just a coffee" he says and against all my better judgement I nodded and smiled.

"OK my break is at One" I tell him.

"Great" he says taking my hand and brushing my knuckles with his thumb "I'll see you later then Lisa" his touch and his words made me shiver

"OK" I replied shakily "I'll look forward to it 

This would possibly be the slowest morning of my life. I watch him walk away giving me a wave as he does to which I return. I then turn back to the store and all the staff are grinning at me from the tills, my face is on bloody fire. I turn away looking back to where he was

"Well well, he came back then" Eileen says coming up behind me. I'm smiling still gazing out onto the street.

"Yeah he did, he's uh taking me for a coffee at lunch time" I tell her 

"A date" she teases

"It's not a date Ei, it's just a coffee" I tell her a little defensive 

"It's ok you know" she says and I know what she's getting at and just look at my feet 

"Don't fight it" she says 

"It's not as easy as that" I tell her 

"It is if you let it" she tells me, but she doesn't know, not all of it. They just see the surface, the broken marriage, the flee for a better life. But it's deeper and darker than I can tell them. And there it is again that cloud, that doubt, fuck off, I won't let you in. 

What would he think, where do you even start to tell someone that.

I look back to Eileen and just smile heading back to my work. Lisa it's just a coffee, you want to, you know you do.