Sing For Me

Burning Scars

"Come on my little angels lets get you dried off" Gran says taking the children into the flat, I suddenly feel drained, my head is pounding at my scar. "You go and get out of those wet clothes too lovey" she tells me 

"Come and see my bedroom Gran" I hear Riley telling her 

"Goodness me isn't this a super duper bedroom" I hear her saying. I strip off, my clothes are sticking to me from the rain. I quickly jump in the shower just to feel a bit fresher, my head stings when the water hits it, every part of me aches, but none more so than my heart, its heavy I'm desperately worried about Ben the way he reacted, his mood afterwards, what were we going to do. The scan and all its joy had been cast aside, those sick feelings those fears making themselves known again.

The way he had sobbed in my arms in the car broke me, she did this to him, did this to us, there are so many things I can never forgive this woman for and she's just added another to my list. I slip on my joggers and Bambi hoody, one of Ben's favourites, my comfort clothes. I stand in the mirror drying my hair with a towel, Ben usually dries my hair for me, like he did that day at his house when we first made love, it was always a reminder to me of that sweet afternoon, when for just a few short hours nothing mattered but him, him and me.

I see how pale I am now I look in the mirror without my make up, my bruise, dark and savage looking, but I'm too tired to cover it up, its not important right now. Ben and Dad still haven't come up I worry, I go and look out of the bedroom window into the courtyard below, they are sat in the land rover, I cant see their faces though to tell how they are feeling. This must be hard for Dad too and Gran who is coping with the situation by doing what she does best looking after something or someone, in this case her little angels. I must be sat in a dream because the next I see is Gran at the bedroom door 

"Oh lovey, are you OK" those words her love and care are my undoing and I start sobbing my heart out. "No no cherub, don't let her do this" she comes and sits on the bed next to me 

"Oh Gran, what are we going to do" my cry is constricting my throat and I can barely breath 

"Look at me lovey, look at me" I lift my head to her "You need to think about you and this little one in here, we will take care of the rest" that's impossible 

"But Ben, I don't think he can handle it" she is teary eyed now 

"That lad can cope with anything cherub, as long as you are there, this is all he needs in life" the pain biting at my chest is unbearable I just want it to all go away, go back to how we were.

"What about Dad and you?" she smiles at me brushing my hair from my face 

"We saw her off once lovey, we can do it again, I just want you two" pointing at my tummy "those little angels and my boy to be happy and I will do whatever it takes to get that and so will Dad" I rest my head on her shoulder it suddenly feels heavy and full of an ache that just wont go away. 

"What if she comes here Gran?" I say to her that fear firing up in me again 

"She'll be in for a shock lovey, I've got thirty odd years of hate to take out on that witch for what she did to my boys, I'll make her wish she'd never been born" She lifts my head and looks at my cut and the bruise stroking it gently "What she did to Will and Ben was as bad as it got, but I'll be dammed if she is going to come here rake all that up and then start on you and them kiddies too, don't fret lovey please it'll be sorted and soon it will all seem like a bad dream. She places my head back to rest on her again rocking me back and forth as if she were rocking a baby.

I hear the door go, Ben and Dad are back. Gran heads out into the hall she grabs Ben and hugs him so tight "Oh Gran, I'm so pleased you came" he says to her