Sing For Me

All Of Me

In Sleep he sang to me in dreams he came

That voice which calls to me and speaks my name

It was dark and cold I was sat on a boat being guided down a long lake, I could here singing it was a man's voice, a voice that tugged at my soul. I could feel him standing behind me but couldn't see his face it was partially hidden and the only light around was from small flickering candles, he kept singing and calling out to me.

In all your fantasies you always knew

that Man and mystery

Were both in You

Suddenly I was engulfed by this urge to cry out to sing as he commanded me to "Sing for me, Sing my angel of music"he cried out to me, his hands touched me, his fingers ran all down my body, and as he commanded I began to vocalize wildly like I couldn't control it, I wasn't controlling it he was

"Sing for me" I look at him I know his face, felt safe within his grasp, as I removed the mask.....................Ben

"Ben" I sit bold upright in my bed, I can't breathe, I must have been dreaming. I slowly lay back down my heartbeat settling back to something close to normal. I felt warm but shaky, I'm dreaming about him now, He fills my every thought. This is getting serious. I told him earlier that I miss him when he leaves me and its true but I'm doing everything I said I wouldn't after Matt. But Ben.......he was just wonderful, when he touched me tonight I felt an ache deep within me, I didn't want him to stop. I wanted him so much but I was terrified of having to reveal everything.

I ran away not just from what Matt did but from myself. If Ben knew what he had done he'd look at me differently. Everything about mine and Ben's relationship was almost too good to be true and tonight, I had never felt that close to anyone, needed anyone like I needed him.

Matt and I were not like that when I married him I was just eighteen didn't know any better thought that was how a husband treated his wife. But as I grew older I learnt the truth about life and realized He wasn't a proper husband never mind a father, he was selfish he drank, chased woman and gambled away our money and would beat me up whenever he felt like it, sex was just that it was never making love and I never got any pleasure from it because I feared him so much it was something I had to do to keep things peaceful.

It was that one night when he came home, stinking drunk that everything changed, I'd had enough I told him he had to leave. I knew he was seeing someone else and he told me that if I had been a proper wife then he wouldn't have had to look elsewhere. He had this way of making me doubt myself and feel like I was the cause. That night he raped me telling me he was only claiming what every husband should. But it was more than that, he hurt me that night and left marks on me as a reminder or so he said. It was these that I hid from people I was ashamed of them, ashamed of myself for letting it happen.

That shame and pain he caused sparked a hate in me. He ran away and I never saw him again, He just left me empty and I thought that gap couldn't be filled. If anything I'd been determined that no one would, saving me from any hurt again. The thought of being with anyone else was too frightening..........until now oh god this is so hard.

I had to tell Ben the truth.

I looked at my clock it was gone midnight I sent him a text on the off chance he was still awake

Ben are you asleep ? x

He replied pretty much instantly making me jump

No not yet, why are you OK sweetheart? x