Sing For Me

I can't do this without him

Ben's point of view

I get myself ready to go reluctantly Lisa checking on me to see I'm actually doing as I'm told. "Darling I don't want to leave you not after last night" I tell her she'd been up and down like a yo yo with terrible pain in her back, she says everything is fine now though. 

"Lissy if you have the slightest twinge tell me now and I'll stay" I say to her 

"Darling I'm fine really its only a few hours" she says as I have to travel out of London to get to the hospice I'd sooner not be going at all. Lisa stands at the door to see me off I saw everyone else inside wanting time alone with my girl. 

"At the faintest sign of a contraction you ring me sweetheart OK" I say to her with my insistent tone 

"I promise darling, I love you and you're doing the right thing baby" she says is she right.

At the Hospice

I can't believe I'm here I really cant but something has dragged me, Lisa maybe I don't think I will ever get over how even when the whole world can beat her down she finds some compassion some love in her heart for someone who really doesn't deserve it.She says she only cared about me in this but I know that's not true. I hope she's OK, I know she said she had been fine when I left no twinges or anything but there was something, I didn't want her going into labour on her own I so wanted to be with her through it all, but at least Gran was with her should anything happen, but she thought it wouldn't not today. It's still hard to get my head around the fact that she could have the baby at any time now I had sensed her nerves these last couple of weeks every little ache, every braxton hick wondering if it was all going to start, I had tried to be there to reassure her through them all, at least I wasn't working which was something but I was still doing the last few tiny bits on the house ready for them both to come home from hospital. I had everything under control I think.

"Hello I'm here to see Valerie Langley" I ask at the reception 

"Yes of course are you a relative" the receptionist asks me part of my brain is thinking no I'm nothing to do with her but I couldn't think like that now or I would go in and treat her that way, even I'm not that heartless after all she did. 

"Yes I'm her son" I tell her 

"Someone will come and speak to you now my love OK" she says 

"Thank you" and I take a seat in the waiting area. I'm waiting about two minutes or so when a blonde haired woman of about fifty years old comes over to me 

"Is it Benjamin?" she asks 

"Yes" I reply 

"Hi I'm Debbie the one who called your wife" I stand up and shake her hand 

"Ah yes hello" I say 

"Would you like to come to my office and we can have a chat about your Mum" she says inviting me to follow her. "Come in and take a seat" I sit down and she pulls out what look like medical notes "Benjamin" she starts

 "Uh it's Ben" I say just feeling more comfortable with that. 

"The reason I called was from your mothers request, she has taken a turn for the worst these last few days and she asked me to get in touch" which I understand but am not happy with after I had told her to stay away. I explain the situation to her no holds barred so she might understand why I feel as I do. 

"I'm aware its very difficult" she says but I don't really think she does. 

"The thing is" she says "I see things like this a lot believe it or not and many relatives regret not saying a proper goodbye, whether its just for closure or its to make up, I cant decide for you but I'm here to go with what you choose" I'm not really in the mood for all the psychological whatever's