Sing For Me

Can You Hold Me

I woke my eyes feel sore and dry, I turn to look at the clock, just after seven surprised that I haven't been woken up by my two yet Mike must have well and truly worn them out.

I feel warm the heat that was coming off him was immense but I liked it, I turned slowly so as not to wake him. I just looked at him, he was so beautiful I hadn't seen this in a man before maybe it was beauty inside that mixed with his kind, gentle looks just drew me into him.

Last night had been a whirlwind of emotions from our date, telling him the truth and to him waking me up from my dream.

The way I felt when he took me onto his lap pulling me in, knowing how much he wanted me. I felt a twinge of guilt in my heart when I think that I pushed him away. But I couldn't do it, not at that point, when I'd closed my eyes all I could see was him this made me clam up. I wanted it, Christ I did, it shocked me at how my body responded to his touch I didn't think I would ever feel that.

He says he will wait but I can't make him wait forever, how can I break these barriers down?.

I still lie there just watching him, his bare chest peaking out from under the covers it made me shiver. My wanting ever visible. I felt an idiot, but he'd seen every bit of me and was still here. He hadn't sneaked away in the night.

He began to stir and opened his eyes to look at me "Hey" I say to him and he smiles

"Good morning sweetheart" he tucks a strand of my cropped hair behind my ear and I lean into his hand pressing it against my cheek "how long have you been awake" he asks

"Not long, thank you for staying with me" he smiled and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. "I couldn't leave even if you wanted me to, you're stuck with me now baby" where did this man come from and why did he want me?

"Are you alright Lissy" he asks

"Yeah I am now" I answer "Are you alright" I ask

"Yeah I am" he answers both is still lying with our cheeks on our pillows speaking in muffled, sleepy tones.

"Can you hold me" I ask of him and he smiles opening his arms for me pulling me in

"How's that" he asks

"Perfect" I say to him and responds with his smiley noise. I feel like I should say something, but I don't know what. "Would you like a cup of tea" I ask him

"Do you" he replies

"Not really" I say because I don't I was using it for conversation

"Then how about we just stay here then" he says pulling me closer to him "Are you warm enough sweetheart" he asks

"Yes" I answer

"Pity" he says with a cheeky smile

"Why" I ask

"Because that would give me a excuse to hold you even closer" he says making me smile drowning it that heated embrace.

"You could still do that" I say quietly and he responds with no words. He kisses me full and I respond. I wrap my leg around him needing to be close as he trails his hand down my back cupping my buttock bringing me too him. I feel him swell inside his tight boxers, I do that to him. I get a sweeping thought of what it would feel like if he were inside me. Maybe I wasn't as messed up as I thought if I could feel this way, want him like this

"Baby" he whispers "I'm sorry I can't help it" worried about his state of arousal "I can go and make a tea or something" he says thinking he needs to back off

"No please don't" I tell him that's the last thing I want. I pull back the duvet taking him by surprise. But I want to see him. He doesn't take his eyes off me. I gently run my hand over his chest, he exhales, as I continue downward brushing my fingers over his hip before cupping his buttock as he had done me. He pulls me to him so I'm lying against his chest and he just cradles me there kissing me on the top of my head 

"Would you like to do something today sweetheart?" he asks

"Yes that would be nice, do you not have stuff to do though?"

"No I did all the marking I had yesterday so I am all yours" he announces

With that our peace was shattered "Mummy Mummy where are you?" shouts Riley pounding through the flat

"I'm in my room darling" Ben reaches to put his t shirt on

"Ben" cries Riley so pleased to see him as he comes and jumps on the bed

"Hey superstar did you sleep well?" Ben asks

"Yes I had biiiiiiiiiiiiiig sleeps" he replies stretching out his arms to show just how much.

"Mama, mama" I hear through the monitor my little girl is awake too.

"Mummy's just going to get Ellie darling you stay with Ben"

"OK mummy" he replies already under the covers introducing Ben to his plush Buzz light year and Woody.

"Hello sweetie" I say as I pick my sleepy baby out of her cot.

I head back to the bedroom to find Riley and Ben rein-acting a scene from Toy Story making me laugh

"To infinity and beyond" cries Ben before leaping onto the bed making Riley howl in hysterics.

"Hello Princess" says Ben as he takes Ellie off me to join in the game. This all feels so natural its as though the events of a few hours ago were forgotten and I was happy to just enjoy the peace it brought.

I watched Ben with the children. He was born to be a father and yet no one had obliged him I felt sad for him, there were some things about him that I still didn't know, who had hurt him and how. He deserved to be happy too, what was he looking for.