Sing For Me

Travel and Sickness

I wake early again, I find the clock it's six thirty oh god could this body of mine snap out of work mode for once and let me sleep. I go to turn over and flick my pillow over to the cold side, I do that a lot not sure why, but as I do I get that feeling again, that sickness building from the very pit of me only this time I can't hold it, I dash out of bed and head for the bathroom only just making it. It's worse today and I hate being sick have always had this phobia of it for as long as I can remember. I could cry I just cant stop it. I must have woken Ben as the next thing he's beside me on the floor rubbing my back and wiping my brow with a cold flannel, I motion to him to go away not wanting him to see me throw up.

"Sorry sweetheart I ain't going anywhere" there's no shifting him but the worse I feel the happier I am that he's there. It finally stops and I sit back I must look an absolute sight. 

"I'm sorry" I tell him 

"Don't be" he says and he pulls me in for a hug and the water works start again only today they are like an overflowing dam, bloody hormones. 

"I didn't want you to see me like that" he laughs at me as he wipes my face 

"Sweetheart in about eight months time I'm going to watch you give birth, this is nothing" he makes me laugh perking me up a bit. "I told you that I would be there for every step and there's nothing you can do to stop me OK" I know that so refuse to fight it because it's true 

"OK" I tell him.

I take a shower and get dressed and feel a little better, I worry about the journey all the way up to Yorkshire as its a long drive "I'll look after you darling, we will stop if you need to" he hands me a pharmacy bag and inside there are travel sickness bands "I picked them up yesterday just in case, they might help sweetheart" is there anything he doesn't think of. Ben packs up the car while the children come round from their slumber. I make them breakfast with Ben hovering over me making sure I'm eating too.

The children are excited about going to meet their new Gran and Grampa, they pick some toys to take with them, we'd been warned not to take too many as apparently there was another pile under Ben's Gran's tree for them as if they hadn't been spoiled enough. I pop their coats on wrapping them up from the frost outside, it was icy underfoot, Ben insisted on arming me to the car in case I slipped, reminding me of when we fell on the Ice at the tower, thinking that the little bundle of cells that we'd made together was just beginning to form that day. I looked at myself in the mirror as I got in the car, I looked pale, I felt pale, felt rotten. Ben looked at me worried as I kept pressing the bobbles on my sickness bands in the hope they'd give me some relief.

We'd been travelling just over an hour when we had to stop, throwing up on the side of the road was no fun I got paranoid that everyone passing was watching me "Never mind them sweetheart, just pretend their not there" Ben said easier said than done. Another hour or so went by and we stopped at some services as the children were hungry, this was a chance for me to be sick in the privacy of my own cubicle at least. Ben made me have a sweet tea to get the sugar back in me and I fancied a Danish pastry for some reason so he bought me the sweetest and stickiest one he could find keeping a couple to have in the car. I looked at Riley and Ellie, grinning through a band of icing sugar and jam from the doughnuts that Ben had given them and it made me smile. The sudden intake of sugar seemed to help me "Sweetheart are you OK?" asked Ben bless he looked so concerned  

"I'm fine sweetie honest" I stroke his arm 

"I'd go through it for you if I could" he said love him 

"It's more than worth it" I tell him "To know what we'll have at the end".

With the children eager to go we head off again. Riley insisted we play Christmas songs another thing to take my mind off how I was feeling. "We're nearly there Sweetheart" Ben says he had looked after me as he promised, he does everything as he promises.