Sing For Me

Breaking Her Barriers

We lay in each other's arms afterwards still slightly breathless. Ben has beads of sweat on his brow, that matched mine. I was overwhelmed, I didn't think it could feel like that. I'd assumed it was what happened in the films, in books, I was discovering otherwise.

"Are you OK sweetheart?, you're shaking" he holds me tighter in an attempt to steady me.

"I'm fine really" I try and reassure him but I'm suddenly emotional, its hard to hide, I start to well up.

"Hey it's OK" he whispers, rubbing his nose to mine "hush I'm here please sweetheart don't be afraid". I feel his fear too.

"I'm not afraid Ben not anymore it's just I wanted you so very much, but I had been so scared of letting go" he stops me

"I would never hurt you my darling and never do anything you didn't want me to"

"And you didn't, quite the opposite, I surprised myself at how much I wanted you and what I wanted......." I hesitate ".... you to do to me" he gazes lovingly at me.

"You must never be afraid of those feelings sweetheart, they are natural" he tells me

"But Id shut them out, like I had no right to them after what Matt did" I tell him

"How do you mean sweetheart" he asks

"Ben when I cried rape somehow in my head I felt that if I ever met someone and I wanted to a sexual relationship then that was being hypocritical. I know it sounds ridiculous but can you see what I mean" I ask him and he nods at me

"Oh Lis, I understand, yes darling I do, but you more than anyone deserves to feel these things, to know what love really feels like" he cups my face.

"What he did to you was unforgivable, he used you sweetheart took it all from you belittled every thing about you that makes you a woman darling, but by shutting yourself off from a loving relationship is letting him win and I will not allow it" his words soothe me as they always do.

"I adore you and I want to give you all the emotional and physical pleasure I can, and I know you want it too, you've just shown me" I bow my head and blush, he lifts my chin "there you go again" giving a little laugh "I love it" he says grinning. I smile back at him.

"I'm so so proud of you, today can't have been easy, it means the world to me that you trusted me with the most intimate part of you" he looks at me cheekily then all boyish "I just hope I was worth it" I giggle at him

"Oh yes you were, you.............." I'm blushing again, oh god

"Yes?" he asks and I'm a giggling mess but I'm determined to say it

"You filled me" I tell him and he smiles clearing his throat and putting on a posh voice says

"So ones size is acceptable to madame is it" and I reply in the same fashion

"Oh most acceptable" and we burst out laughing as I tell him again "You're amazing at it" I tell him softly touching his smiling face, running my thumb over his laughter lines.

"So are you" he whispers

" I don't know anything" I say

"Oh but my darling you do" he tells me "deep down in there there is a sexy little kitten waiting to come out and play" he says, is that what I was feeling, is this what was pushing it's way through. 
"Let me show you what you are capable of" he says "you are so sweet so beautiful Lissy" He tells me.
"We can explore this together, I can teach you we can teach each other, I am going to shower you with more love than you can handle sweetheart" he tells me as he takes me by the chin so sweetly saying "and we are going to have loads of lovely, crazy, sweet, noisy, loving, bonkers.........." I'm laughing at him now "................ button throbbing sex" he finishes finally "there's only one problem" he says as I look at him felling worried