Sing For Me

Revenge is oh so Sweet

I sit at my bedside table brushing my hair its not as painful as it has been or is it that I can't feel it anymore, am I hurting all over and cant feel that. I see Ben in the mirror curled up in bed his hair a mess and a dark shadow on his face where is stubble has formed. My heart aches as I look at him thinking of all he went through yesterday, of how he turned to me when he let his mother in and told me that she couldn't hurt us, but she did I will never forget the look on his face when he stumbled out of the taxi he was broken, ashamed, a shadow of himself, that protective side that I had always marvelled about him was suddenly turned on in me, the same as that night when Matt struck me my need to protect Riley from him that brought up an anger in me that I didn't know a person could have. I had always been so shy, afraid of letting anything go, kept everything locked inside. Where were those stars that had brought us together, that made us jump on the same tube that day had they abandoned us, but how could they have because whatever happened we had our own little miracle and a love that was unbreakable, last night had proved that, even when we were flogged and beaten by the bad that love would rise up make itself known which such a force that  rendered us breathless. 

As I look at myself that bile that had unsettled my stomach all night just rose up sending me running yet again."Oh lovey are you OK shall I get Ben" I raise my hand as I bring my head up from the loo following another bout of the dear old sickness. 

"No Gran no" I tell her "let him sleep" I wanted him to get as much sleep as he could, he had work in a few hours and I doubt he'd be feeling great after last night I'd be happier if he didn't go today but with rehearsals for the show he didn't really have a choice and it made my blood boil to think that she would be there I wanted to hurt her I wanted to hurt her bad, It had made me feel sick to the stomach knowing what she did, that even though she knew we were married and expecting a baby it didn't stop the hussy making a play for my husband, my husband god damn it he was mine.

"Here cherub have a drink, you'll feel better" says Gran bringing me some squash to take the horrible taste away. 

"I wish this sickness would pass Gran" I tell her feeling a bit sorry for myself 

"It will soon lovey I'm sure, just hang in there" she says patting my hand "Are you feeling OK cherub and I don't mean the sickness, last night must have been a hell of a shock for you" she's not wrong 

"I don't know how I feel, I just want it to all go away" I say to her feeling lost and scared I suppose those were my feelings. 

"You know Ben wouldn't hurt you darling" she tells me and I did know that, this was the one thing I could rely on but there was just this thought of her putting her hands on him, trying to kiss him trying to snatch what belonged to me. That thought that had caused me to throw his clothes in the washing machine once he'd gone to bed fearing there would be the least smell of her on them 

"She means nothing to him lovey, you are his whole world, he loves you" I knew this too but I guess deep down I wouldn't be happy until she was out of the way but how could I do that I told Gran this.

I hear our bedroom door going as Ben came into the kitchen he looked awful "Oh morning lovey how are you doing?" Gran asked him 

"Probably better than I should be" he looks at me "Sweetheart you're so pale have you been sick again" he asks 

"I'm OK daring really, don't worry" he leans down to me, his head hurts I can tell and his eyes are heavy 

"But I do worry that's my job" I stroke his brow 

"Then its my job to worry about you" I tell him, normally he would fight me on that but he feels too ill I think. 

Gran has made him an alka seltzer to settle his stomach "Come on lad take this down in one" she hands it to him and he pulls a face but does down it almost heaving on it.