Cinderella is Gay (EDITING)

💫 XXXII 💫

Chapter Thirty-Two:
Moving On?

***

THEN
November 2008

YOHAN'S POINT OF VIEW

IT WAS a struggle to pretend that I was enjoying the vacation the following day. The truth was, it felt so awkward. Enjoy na enjoy ang lahat sa island hopping habang kami naman ni Phil ay halos hindi magawang magtinginan o mag-imikan man lang. Wala naman sigurong nakapansin, or maybe they knew something was wrong, but decided not to ask us out of respct. Either way, the situation was still awkward, and yes, painful.

Kung pwede lang sanang mag-teleport para makauwi na ako, kagabi ko pa ginawa. I wanted to be away from him. Ayoko na nasa iisang isla lang kami. I know it didn't make any difference, kasi 'pag uwi namin si Manila, iisa pa rin naman ang address namin. But it would be easier for me to avoid him kapag nando'n na kami.

First stop namin ay ang isang virgin island na twenty minutes away mula sa isla nina Phil. Maliit lang ang isla, sobrang puti ng buhangin at kami lang ang taong naroon. Solong-solo namin ang buong isla. Ang mga ibon lang yata ang nakikigulo sa amin. Nag-enjoy kaming lahat sa pagtampisaw sa malinaw na dagat. Napalingon ako sa direksyon ni Phil and saw him with his friends. He wasn't smiling. Alam kong pareho lang kami ng nararamdaman.

"Hoy, halika nga dito." Hinawakan ako ni Kim at kinaladkad palayo sa grupo. Nakita ko namang sumunod si Mikaela sa amin. Lumangoy kami patungo sa kabilang side ng isla.

"O, bakit?" I innocently asked her while she gave me a knowing look. "Okay lang ako."

"You don't look okay," komento ni Mikaela. "Si Phil rin, hindi s'ya mukhang okay."

"What's wrong? Sabihin mo sa'min para madamayan ka namin," seryosong sabi ni Kim. "Kung anuman ang pinagdadaanan mo ngayon, you don't have to go through it alone kasi nandito kami. Magkaibigan tayo at alam mong hindi ka namin hahayaang harapin ang problema mo nang mag-isa."

Na-touch naman ako do'n. Alam ko namang hindi nila ako iiwan, eh. Iyon na lang siguro ang tanging maganda sa buhay ko. May support system ako na handang ipaalala sa akin na kahit nasasaktan ako, hindi pa katapusan ng mundo. I could still get back to my feet and be happy again.

"He asked me to stop waiting for him," malungkot na sabi ko sa kanila. I couldn't even look at them in the eyes. Nakayuko lang ako at pinagmasdan ang malinaw na dagat. "Last night, we kissed. It was so perfect. Alam mo 'yong feeling na nangyari na rin ang isang bagay na akala mo hanggang sa imagination na lang posible? Ang saya ko na, eh." Naramdaman ko ang pag-iinit ng mga mata ko. My tears were threatening to fall and it took all my strength to stop them from falling. "Then he dropped the bomb. Na ayaw na raw n'yang magpaka-selfish. Itigil na raw namin ang malabong set-up namin."

"But you know he was right," diretsong sabi ni Kim. "He did the right thing. Matagal na rin namin 'tong sinasabi sa'yo, 'di ba? It's good na finally, na-realize na rin ni Phil that he's being selfish."

"Alam ko naman, eh. Pero masakit pa rin talaga."

"Sino ba'ng nagsabing hindi masakit? Broken-hearted ka, bakla. It's supposed to hurt you," Mikaela gently said and then hugged me. "Pero magiging okay ka rin. Siguro mas mabuti na ring ganito. Mas maaga mong nalaman kung ano talaga ang status n'yo. Baka pwede na nating simulan ang pagmo-move on mo, 'di ba?"

"Gusto ko," mahina kong sabi. "Pero hindi ko alam kung pa'no. I want to take the pain away pero natatakot ako kasi hindi ko alam kung pa'no, eh."

"Dahan-dahan lang, teh. Hindi naman automatic 'yon. You need to feel the pain and cry over and over again. Hanggang sa ma-immune ka na sa sakit, and eventually mawawala rin 'yan. It might take longer than expected, but it will heal sa tamang panahon. 'Wag ka lang magmadali. Allow yourself to feel the pain. Walang shortcut, you have to go through the whole process," ani Kim at yumakap rin sa'kin. "But after this, mas marami kang matututuhan at magiging mas malakas ka. Each heartbreak brings new lessons in life na mas magpapatatag sa'yo. So look at the bright side, okay? May dahilan ang lahat ng ito."