"You know you shouldn't, but you will." Me said to me.
I watched the other half of me stand idly with a bottle in her hand. She looked sick. Her face was more droopy than usual, bags were dropping under eyes, her hands couldn't stop shaking.
"Why do you keep coming back?" I asked desperately. This same dream has been happening for weeks now. After that night when I came home from reading those tweets, this same dream came every night following that.
It would be me but it wasn't me. It was the old me, a much more damaged me. A sad, addicted me.
"Because this is who you are!" She said aggressively before taking a swig. "You're uncle was the same way, maybe you got his genes instead of your dads-"
"Shut the fuck up! That's not true!" I yelled, now standing up.
She smirked and leaned back against the wall. "You have his temper." She muttered. "Don't you ever wonder why you get angry when you don't want to talk about something? That's not your mother, neither is it your father. Who else could it be hm?"
My hands shook with each word that left her mouth. Her eyes held mines as she leaned over and held a rolled dollar to her nose. "I'm nothing like you. Not anymore."
Her head shot up after she snorted the white powder. A flood of euphoria took over her features as she laughed manically. "You sure? What are you holding there?"
I looked down at my hand and saw a rolled dollar bill, along with now a table and three white lines.
"You know you shouldn't, but you will." I gulped as the white lines grew closer and closer until I was practically smelling them without sniffing. "Question is, how long will it take you?" I felt the crystals shoot up my nose and I screamed.
"No!" My chest was rising and falling rapidly as I held my nose. I quickly wiped it and looked down at my hands and seeing blood on my skin.
"Hey, here." Vanessa said as she scooted to my side and was already putting the tissue to my nose. It's safe to say this was regular occurrence for the last few weeks. The first three days she freaked out, the fourth day she got scared, the fifth day she questioned me, the sixth day she sighed and walked to the bathroom to get tissue; by the end of the week she had a box of Kleenex at her bedside.
"Thank you." I mumbled under my breath before holding it myself. After a few minutes, I moved the tissue and dropped it into the handful mini can on my side.
I laid back on my back and Vanessa sat up for a few minutes, like always, as she waited for me to go back to sleep. I never did but for her sake, I pretended to. She leaned over and rubbed her thumb over my right eyebrow, smoothening it.
"I love you so much." She would whisper and peck my nose before getting back into a comfortable position on my chest and letting herself drift back into oblivion.
I held her silently as she slept peacefully. I knew she was getting worried. Every morning she would ask what I was dreaming about and I told her my dad. I couldn't have her knowing I was having temptations again. I couldn't risk that what everyone was saying to come true. If I lost her...I don't know what I would do with myself. And I knew letting her know that I was having withdrawals would be the end of it. She wouldn't want to deal with me anymore.
So I kept my mouth shut and endured the dreams with a chin up and clear eyes, knowing everything would be alright. Just like my dad taught to me.
I looked at the clock on my bedside and realized it was three am. Vanessa woke up at six thirty so only three and a a half more hours, I could do that.
