"Mmm Okay, for real this time." Alexa mumbled and pulled away from my kiss. She rested her hand on my chest with a flustered face as she shook her head. "We have to talk."
"Why?" I groaned out and pulled her closer to me. "Why talk when we can just have a.. third round? I've lost count." She rolled her eyes and smacked my chest. "Okay," I huffed before turning to my side and propping my arm up on the mattress, the side of my head on my palm. "Let's talk." I added dramatically, staring down into her shining brown eyes.
"I just wanna know what you went through with Vanessa." I sighed and dropped my head back down. "Hey, I wanna understand you more, I have to know what's lodged in that brain of yours."
"Ok." I raised up and grabbed the plain white T-shirt from the edge of the bed and pulled it over my head. "You really want to know?"
She nodded and rested her head on my lap and watched me stare down at my hands. My mind raced with thoughts but I knew this was what needed to be done. I never in my time since meeting Vanessa spoke about everything regarding us.. never in depth. There was a first for everything though I guess.
"When Vanessa came into my life, it was like.. going to your first party. Everything seems heightened and alluring. She held me captive." I bit my bottom lip as I smiled. "She was amazing at first.. truly. Then the Philip thing happened." When I looked over at Alexa, she was staring at me in complete alertness. "That was the first jab at my trust level. But.. the reasoning made me forgive. My love for her made me forgive."
"Keep going." She whispered when I stopped.
"I.. then after my accident and I couldn't really stop her from trapping me, I was completely stuck." I shook my head. "I wasn't ready for kids. I was nineteen and just starting to blow up. I always pushed this thought away but sometimes I wonder if she planned it. Because she knew that if I found out about her and Viv, I'd be gone in a second. But with a baby... she knew I'd stay."
I clenched my jaw along with my fist as I felt that deep burning anger rise up like a bubble in my chest. Alexa rested her hand on my clenched fist and softly brushed her thumb over my skin which brought my anger down quickly.
Taking in a slow breath, I nodded and let my fist relax. "So, I stayed. Even with that little whatever with Dana, I went back. And I kept going back. Eventually I was smart enough to walk away but even then, I can always feel this little like... this little voice that makes me question everything."
"With me?" She asked softly and I looked over at her sad yet understanding eyes. "Do I make you question us?"
"I wouldn't say you make me. It's just there." She sighed and I felt myself needing to prove she wasn't the reason. "But I eventually always bring myself back because you haven't done anything like Vanessa. She'd go days without checking in on me.. we talk almost every hour." She smiled. "And you always send me good morning and good nights texts, sometimes a selfie to go with it. I've never had that before."
Her head turned into my stomach as I poked her nose. "Well.. I guess I just want you to know I'm thinking about you every hour of the day? That sounded so cheesy." She groaned out and I chuckled.
"It really was." I fell serious again as I stared down at her glistening eyes. "Please keep being you.. I can't take a heartbreak, Alexa."
"Um, did I not say forever? Or did you not hear me?" I felt my skin warm up as she kissed my stomach. "I mean it. As long as you'll have me, I'm gonna be here. Your number one fan.. literally."
"Ugh shit. I'm dating a fan who can ruin my life by the click of a button." She giggled and smacked my thigh. "I'm serious. You know everything."
