"I'm fine," I said in a monotone as I brushed my teeth.
Vanessa stared at me from the mirror as she shook her head softly. "No you're not, you've barely gotten any sleep in the past five days, Y/n."
"Stop worrying about me." I washed my mouth with water and spat it out before splashing my face. "You already convinced me to come home for lunch, what more do you want?"
"To talk." I rolled my eyes and walked out of the bathroom. "Y/n, open your mouth and talk-"
"About what?" I huffed out angrily. "My mom is in a coma, I said some really fucked up shit to my sister. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I feel like I'm going crazy and you're hovering over me like a damn cloud!" I threw the toothpaste at the wall before crouching down, my head following me. "I just need you to stop, I need everything to stop and breathe."
"It's okay," she whispered and crouched next to me, her hand on my back.
"Stop it, why are you like this?" I moved her hand and stood up. "Scream at me, push me, something. You act like I'm not doing something wrong to you."
She stood silently with her hands at her side as she watched me practically have a melt down.
"I'm being a dick yet you still treat me like I'm being perfect. What's wrong with you?" She didn't respond. I leaned back against the wall as I exhaled deeply.
"You're not being a dick," she started. "You're hurting and I'm more worried about what's going on in your head than I am about myself." Her body moved closer to me until she was less than arms distance. "You're pushing everything away and the best thing I can do is be there for you until you're ready to face it."
The next exhale I let go followed by a sob as something in me broke. My heart felt as if it squeezed inside of my chest, everything constricted. "I'm sorry," I forced out.
"It's okay." She whispered back and pulled me into her arms. I laid my head on her shoulder and let every tear, every sob, every drop of pain I felt out.
And she held me the entire time.
-
I leaned against the window quietly as Vanessa drove us back to the hospital.
After my...'breakdown' we ate lunch and I packed an overnight bag before getting back onto the road. In other words, I still didn't really talk about what I was feeling. It's not like I didn't want to, I just didn't know how to explain it. I was tired and sad but also antsy and anxious. Probably because it's been two days since I've taken my meds but who knows.
"I'm gonna go pick up the twins." Vanessa mumbled once she pulled to a stop in front of the hospital.
Nodding softly, I wrapped the backpack on my back before opening the car door. "Hey," I looked back at her and she smiled softly before muttering,"I love you."
I leaned over slightly and pressed my lips to hers for a second, savoring the immediate feeling of warmth that washed over my body. "I love you too."
Then she left.
I chewed on my gum nervously when I reached the fourth floor and saw another person standing in front of my moms room.
"Can I help you?" The lady questioned. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked into the window and seeing an entire different family with an older man in the bed.
"Um where's my mom?" She frowned and looked at me oddly. "My mom, she was in this room, where is she?"
"I'm not sure ma'am. The room was empty when we were brought up."
