Trigger Warning
I sat in the apartment I shared with my boyfriend, Jack Barakat. He's been away on tour for what seemed like an etenity but was only four months.
Depression crept back about a month after he left. Jack was my distraction, my sanity, my everything. He kept the demons at bay and helped me cope more than he or anyone knows.
Shallow cuts marked my stomach, thighs, but mainly my wrist. I couldn't deal with any if it anymore. I sat in the bedroom I shared with him. My head hanging in the palms of my hands as my demons ripped me apart. Blackened tears outlined my face. Every flaw screamed, every insult tattooed in my head, and every scar glowed. I'm not strong enough for this.
The little silver blade taunted until I gave in promising only once more. The door ripped open, scaring me and causing the blade to jab a bit deeper.
"Babe, I thought you were better?" Jack mumbled in shock as he stood in the doorway holding his bag from tour. I couldn't look at him to see such disappointment.
"I'm sorry..." I whispered as tears fell. He wrapped his arm tightly around me as I broke into sobs. when the sobbing died down he whipped the tears away.
"Babe, what happened?" he seemed almost afraid to ask.
"I'm not strong enough and I- I don't know... I didn't have anyone to talk to and I didn't want to bother you while in tour-" I rambled before he cut me off with kiss.
"Listen to me, you are the strongest, the smartest, most talented and beautiful girl I've ever known. You can always come to me no matter where I am, what time it is, who I'm with or anything. And if you don't want to talk to me you can go to Zack, Rian, Alex, Cassadee, Lisa, Matt or any of them." he said still holding me tightly. He picked me up bridal style and carried me to the bathroom where he cleaned and kissed each cut and scar.
After bandaging me up he grabbed the razor and checked for anymore before tossing them in the trash. We then laid in bed watching a whole bunch of movies, starting out with Home Alone.
"Thank you babe... for everything. I love you." I said quietly cuddling further into his chest.
"I love you too babe." he replied running his fingers through my hair.
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