In The Darkest of Times (CaptainSwan)

Life Goes On

Killian's Pov

"I should have never tried to get pregnant," she whispers, her face landing in the palms of her hands..

"Wait. What are you talking about?" I ask, confused.

She doesn't respond. I need to somehow fix this, her worries, her sadness.

"Emma you couldn't have know that you would get pregnant. We weren't trying for a child. It could have been a mistake, but it may be one of the best mistakes we have ever made," she glances up at me warily.

"Yes Emma, we," I say trying to catch her gaze, "We made this mistake, together and we are going to get through this together.And it may turn out to be the best thing that has happened to us. A child, Emma. We are going to have a beautiful kid that is our. Part of you and part of me. Hey?" she still doesn't look my way.

"But it wasn't."

"But it wasn't what?"

"A mistake."

"A mistake? What?"

"I knew. I knew I was going to be pregnant."

Suddenly all the air in my lungs got sucked out. It feels like I had been hit by a sledgehammer. No, was the only thought that ran through my head.

"Did you... did you...," I stop.

I take a deep breath. She couldn't, no wouldn't do this do me. Betray me like this. I am sure this is some kind of misunderstanding.

"Emma is our... umm this child... is it mine?" I say just below a whisper.

"What?" she asks. My words were probably inaudible.

"Is the child, is it mine? Or did you lie to me?" I say louder this time, just on the verge of anger.

"Wait. What? Why would you ask that?"

"You said that 'I should have never tried to get pregnant.' You said that you tried to get pregnant. Emma am I the father of the child?"

"Of course you are. Killian why would you ever say something like that. I would never betray you like that."

"Emma? You can't lie to me. Not about something like this," I say trying to stay calm even though my veins were running on anger, hurt, and betrayal.

"I'm not," she yells, "I wouldn't lie to you. I know what I said must have sounded confusing and just awful, but this child, it is our child. Killian this baby is your. I just I did something else. And I don't think that what I did was much better than cheating on you. "

"What then? I know there are other methods out there. If you really wanted a baby that bad you could have talked to me."

"I didn't use "other methods"."

The suffocating tension stood still as I waited for some explanation.

"I know I could have talked to you, but I didn't. I was too scared. "

"Then tell me," I take her hands in mine, "You can tell me anything."

"I know," she begins to cry again, "I was surprised you didn't ask any questions when I told you I was pregnant."

"Why? You taking an awfully long time to answer my simple question, Emma."

"You know the pills I take that make it so that it is almost impossible for me to become pregnant."

"Yes. You told me that there is like a one percent chance that you could get pregnant. Are you telling me that you happened to be that one percent? That wouldn't be a bad.."

"I stopped taking the pills."

"What?"

"I stopped taking the pregnancy pills. I wanted a family with you so bad, but I was so afraid that if I talk to you. What if you wouldn't want to start a family? And that's all I have ever wanted, ever since I really fell in with you. And so I thought that if I just stopped taking the pills there was a real potential that I would get pregnant and we would just have to deal with it. I knew you would never leave me, but I regretted it ever since actually got pregnant. I wasn't thinking. I should have waited because our child will be in so much danger when they comes into this world. I didn't think of that and now a villain could be plotting our child demise. I couldn't let our child die because I was too desperate for a family and not willing to wait till things calmed down. Now I can't change that. I have a child right now. And not to mention that you knew about the pills. That's why I was so scared of telling you because I thought you would bring up so many questions about the pills and how I shouldn't be pregnant. I would have to tell you. I mean I would have to tell you at some point, but I... I wasn't ready. Not yet. And in that moment I doubted all my faith in you. I thought you might actually leave me and I was going to be all alone with a child, again," she begins to sob harder, "I know what I did was unforgivable. I should have at least told you. I lied to you. And that alone is unforgivable. I know you'll be mad at me. That you may never really forgive me. I am so sorry. This is all my fault... and I am sorry. It's all my fault," she ramble the last two phrases over and over again until I undid my seat belt.

She looks up slightly and then returns her forehead to lead on the window, probably looking through the car mirrors to catch any glimpse of me and my facial expression. She probably thought that I was going to leave, get out of the car and leave her, but I didn't. Instead I did something she didn't expect.

I grab her by her waist, pull her into my lap and hold her as close to me as I could. She just bawls her eyes out and drenches my shirt in tears. I held her even closer digging my nose into her hair, breathing in her sent. I know her every thought. She was never used to this kind of immediate forgiveness, even from me. She is surprised at how easily I could forgive her, in so little of time.

"It's my fault," she whispers.

"No... it's mine," I say almost inaudible into her hair. I sigh, "I know you have your walls Emma and I have broken down most of them, but having a family, being pregnant with someone by you side that is one of your last walls that is still up. Last time you had a child you were alone and now you're not. I wanted to talk to you, but that last wall scared me. I was scared that you would reject me for wanting a child. I kinda hoped that you would somehow miraculously get pregnant. I should've just talked to you. I am sorry. I should have been there for you because I know this scares you and I shouldn't make you do it alone. I am so sorry, Swan. I have failed you. This whole mess it is all my fault."

She looks me in the eyes, but I look down. I had failed not just Emma, but myself. I said that I would be a better man for her.

"You haven't failed. It was both of us. Life goes on. We just didn't trust each other like we should have. I forgive you as long as you forgive me."

"Of course I forgive you, my angel. I love you and we will not let our child be in harm's way. You are the savior. You main job is to protect your family above anything else, even this town. And you don't have to protect this town alone. You have me, Regina, your parents, and Henry he is stronger than you know."

"I know. I just worry."

"Of course you do. It's your job as a mother. You're a protector."

"I love you."

She kisses me and I increase the passion.

"I love you too," I whisper into the kiss, "Now let's go home. Your son has a very important date."

She pulls away.

"Our son. We are married now, that makes Henry your son. He loves you, it has just been a hard adjustment. You have always been Killian to him, now your dad. I am sure he will understand that some day."

"Hopefully," I reply.

"All happy beginning starts with hope."