Who She Is

~22~

*Drug warning

Alyx's POV

"Sorry about that. I didn't know they would be smoking," Amaya says once we're back on the road.

"It's okay." I play with my fingers. "So, he just gave you... that? For no reason?"

"Oh, shit. Thanks for reminding me." She pulls it out of her pocket and reaches her hand inside her shirt, I'm assuming to stuff it in her bra. I blush and look away. I was not expecting that. "I don't need to get in trouble with it again," she explains. "And yeah, Ry does things like that."

"You've got caught with it before?!" I ask with wide eyes.

"Yeah, once. They arrested me, and my uncle had to come get me. It was, and still is, bullshit. It wasn't even mine. It was Jason's. I didn't know he left it in my glovebox. Fucking dick," she says, huffing. Is that why she told him not to leave things in her car the other night?

"I'm sorry." I wonder if my mom knows of her arrest. If it happened here, my mom would have seen her file.

"Don't be. I guess I deserved it," she says, expressionless.

"Why do you say that? It wasn't yours."

Her eyes flash toward mine and back to the road. "I just know I have a lot of karma coming back at me." She rubs the back of her neck with one hand. "I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of, Alyx."

"Like what?" I ask. I'm kind of nervous. She hasn't, like killed someone, has she?

"Do you trust me?" she questions.

"Yes. You haven't done anything to make me not."

"Good. I want you to trust me. I would never do anything like that to you." Her eyes look so full of worry.

That's really great to hear, but I still want to know what 'that' is. "Like what?" I ask again, my brows furrowing. She pulls back underneath the bridge from last time. She parks it and unbuckles.

She sighs and runs her fingers through her hair. "I've done some shitty things. I've stolen things before. From people. I've vandalized someone's car; I busted their windows out. Damn it! Why do you want to know this about me? I know you're not going to like it. I don't even like it myself."

I'm kind of stunned. I wasn't expecting all that. Why did she do those things? Did someone influence her, or did she just do it herself?

"I'm a fucked up person, Alyx. That's why I don't know if I want you getting close to me."

"Why'd you do it? What did you steal? When?" I ask.

She gulps and looks really guilty. "There's been times when I've needed money. I can't say what I needed it for, but I did. I've stolen someone's expensive watch before. It was from one of my old friend's dad. He was always a dick to me, so I thought I wouldn't feel as guilty. But I do. That was just for money and him being an asshole. I've took a friend's mom's medication from her cabinet and sold them to someone I knew. She was a junkie with them, though. I know that doesn't justify my actions, but that's why I honestly took them. I felt bad my friend had to deal with that. That was in eighth grade before I moved here. She ended up accusing her own daughter and sent her to live with her grandparents. I don't see her anymore. God, I'm such a fucked up person." She clenches her fists.

"I've took a quarter of weed from one of Gavin's dealers before; he just left it sitting on the table when he went to the bathroom. Gavin wasn't looking; I grabbed it and bailed after. He threatened Gavin and kicked him out and told him to never come back. I never told him I did it; I made up some lie. That was in the beginning of freshman year. I sold most of it and smoked the rest. It was like one of the first times I smoked. I didn't have any money to buy it, and the person that got me to try it dropped me. That was right before Gavin introduced me to Jace. I still feel shitty about it."