Who She Is

~28~

*Violence/bullying warning

Alyx's POV

I open my eyes and see it's still dark out. I must have fell asleep. I grab my phone to check the time. My heart starts racing when I see I have a text from Amaya.

'Don't ever come here again.'

My chest tightens. Why did I do that? Why did Lexi have to give me her address? She got what she wanted. Amaya hates me now. I'm such an idiot.

I text her back. 'I shouldn't have bothered you. I'm sorry.' She reads it but doesn't reply, making my heart ache.

~

I wake up in the morning, already dreading school. What if she comes today? What do I say to her? Do I even say anything?

I take a shower and get dressed. I see it's raining outside, so I grab my black hoodie and put it on. Mom gives me a ride this morning, so I didn't have to walk.

I feel so nauseous when I get out of the car. My eyes scan the parking lot and stop when they find Amaya's car. The pit in my stomach sinks lower.

At lunch, I barely eat. I sit with Wes again. He wanted to know what happened yesterday when I sat with them, so I told him.

I don't look at her table at all; I even sit with my back facing them. I feel on edge the whole time. I accidently flicker my eyes over to her and see her back facing me as well. I don't see Lexi sitting with them. I'm sure she knows I told Amaya it was her who told me the address. She probably won't be around much.

When the bell rings, I feel sick again. I walk to class and take my seat. I wait for her to come in. If she even is. She might skip to avoid me. I watch the door and immediately drop my eyes when I see her walk in.

She passes by me and takes her seat behind me. I take slow breaths. Just act normal. Just pretend we've never talked.

Mr. Todd starts his lesson, and I try hard to focus only on that. I'm grateful when the bell rings quicker than I expected. I grab my stuff and head to my locker. I look over to the door and see her walk out. I look away when she starts heading my way. She walks by me without a glance. I guess she really does hate me now.

~

The rest of the week goes by slowly. I miss talking to her. I miss seeing her smile at me. I wish I knew why she was there. Is that her home, or was she just there? Who was the man that yelled? Why was she so dirty looking? Why did she say those things to me? I guess I did deserve it. I shouldn't have invaded her personal life. It was none of my business. Anyone would be mad. Half of me hopes she just said all that in anger, and honestly, I would let it go. The other half of me is scared she meant every word. 'Pathetic' is the main thing that keeps lingering in my mind. And 'not wanted'. No, she didn't exactly call me pathetic but my crush on her is. Ugh! So many thoughts are running through my mind.

It's Friday. Her birthday. And we're not even speaking anymore. I wanted to get her something. I want to tell her happy birthday so bad, but I don't want to ruin it for her by talking to her.

I ignore her behind me again in class, After the bell rings, I go to my locker. I glance over at her to see Jason talking to her. He leans down to kiss her and simultaneously, breaks my heart. It aches even more when she doesn't stop him. I look away and try to ignore the sting. I know she never broke it off with him, but it still hurts seeing her kiss him back after she's kissed me.

After school, I take my usual route home, instantly regretting it.

"Where've you been, Alyx?" I hear from behind me. He actually got it right this time. I stop and look at Luke. I don't know why this has to happen today. I look down and wait for whatever he wants to do. I don't feel like trying to fight it today. He grabs my backpack I got slung over one shoulder and throws it away from me. "What? Nothing to say?" He grabs my shirt with both his hands. "Fucking look at me when I'm talking to you!" I flinch but keep my stare at the ground near my bag. "That's it. C'mon."