Who She Is

~43~

Amaya's tattoos^

Alyx's POV

"I just really fucking love the moon."

"So do I." I slide my hand to rest on the side of her neck and stoke my thumb over the ink on her nape. Her neck is so slender. I swear I see her shiver. A small sigh escapes her lungs. I clear my throat and ask, "Is there no real meaning behind this one, though?"

"I can't just love the moon?"

"I mean, yeah but how come you chose a crescent moon over a full? I know most people go with a crescent, but what's your reasoning?"

She turns around and looks at me before scrunching her eyebrows up. "It's kind of depressing." I look at her curiously, waiting for what she's going to say. "A crescent moon simply isn't a full one. Or whole. I'm the same way. I could've got a new moon, but I liked the way the crescent looked better. I just told them to make it as slim as possible."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I'm not whole. At all. I'm quite empty, actually."

"You're saying you don't feel complete?"

"I'm saying I'm empty. I have nothing to complete. I am nothing." She holds her thumb and forefinger together, barely leaving any space between. "The smallest sliver a crescent moon could have, mine's smaller."

My chest aches at how she just described herself. She really feels that way? I know she thought she was a bad person for the things she's done, but this sounds like depression. Is she depressed?

Her telling me that, I can't help but pull her into a hug. A gasp escapes her. I know I probably took her by surprise, but I don't care. I pull her closer to my chest, tightening my arms. I put my hand softly on the back of her head and hold her against me.

"Why do you think that? What made you feel this way? Who made you? Please tell me. It hurts me so much hearing that. Tell me what will complete you and not make you feel like that. Please." Shit, I feel like I'm going to cry. "I want to help you."

She stills in my arms. Literally. I think she's holding her breath. All of a sudden, she puts her hands on my chest and gently pushes me away. I drop my arms instantly. Her head is hung down where I can't see her face; I can tell she's not happy, though.

She stands up and says, "I'm leaving."

"W-What? Why?" I stand up and grab her wrist as she walks to the door. She stops but doesn't turn around. "Please tell what I did wrong."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Alyx. Please just let me go." I hear her voice begin to shake and let go of her wrist. "I just need to leave right now."

"Okay." I don't want to force her to stay with me. I watch her leave and shut the door behind her.

I don't understand what just happened. I know I was trying to dig too deep. I was pushing her too much. Just because she said she liked me doesn't mean she has tell me every single thing. I'm an idiot.

~

I wake up to the sound of knocking on my door. I sit up and realize it's already Saturday morning. I must've fell asleep last night.

Mom opens the door and peeks her head in. "Good. You're awake. You want to earn a little cash?"

I rub my eyes and adjust them on her. "Depends on how."

"Well, that new officer we got needs to work today, and her babysitter's sick. So, I was wondering if you would maybe do it?"

Babysitting? "I don't know about that, Mom."