Prime Meridian (Book #2 of IDL)

Chapter Fifty-Three: I am so stupid. I hate myself.

Chapter Fifty-Three:  I am so stupid. I hate myself.

My whole body was shaking and until now, I still could not believe what was happening. Being alone in a foreign land, with no one to be with, except for the person who I fell in love with, was just too difficult, especially when that person had to cheat. Wow.

I could not continue this seminar, not anymore. I wanted to vent out to someone, to cry and everything. Tears kept on falling and I did not want anyone to see it, so I discreetly took my bag with me and went away the auditorium. I did not know if Rob noticed, but I just wanted to leave that venue.

Immediately, my legs brought me to the nearest restroom. I locked myself in the cubicle and cried so hard but tried to keep myself silent because I did not want anyone to hear me. It was as if, all the pain I had been holding for so long suddenly burst out in an instant. I could not do it anymore. I did not know what I was thinking when I came here to New York. I was crazy to even think that Finn and I would be together forever. Who would even trust someone you've met in an online site?

Me. Me who's stupid enough to believe in Finn. Of course, he was just toying with my feelings, using me as some sort of rebound or whatever.

I should have never trusted Finn. I could still remember the day when things were still perfect between Finn and I, when we were just having fun and making out on his bed. That moment, I thought was perfect, and because of that, there was something that would bound to go wrong. I did not expect that it would be Finn cheating on me.

Why would he do that? Was I not enough? Maybe he preferred someone more attractive. I didn't know. Or maybe he wanted someone who would always be there for him, unlike me who was always busy with school. I did not know. I wanted to know, but should I? Because I should know better. I should know my worth.

Finn was the wrong one, not me. Not me. Not me.

Thinking about how we spent all those moments together, from the start of chatting and online chatting, and also how he went to the Philippines just to see me. Also to how I came here to New York. Everything just kept on coming, and thinking about all these memories pained me even more, making me cry even more.

It was as if my heart was constricted. I could hardly breathe as I gasped for air, wanting to stop crying. My eyes started to swell, and my face was all red.

I wanted to vent out. I was so scared of dealing with this alone. The strong independent woman in me is just a barricade in front, but inside, I was vulnerable. I could not do this. I was weak.

My hands were trembling as I called for the first person that came to my mind would listen to me.

"H-hello?"

"Jessamine?"

"Can you-" There was a sudden hiccup sound. "-come here?"

"What's happening? Are you alright? Did someone hurt you?" There was an evident worry in his tone, making me feel that I made the right decision of calling him.

I continued to cry, which made it difficult for me to form my words.

"Okay, I'll go there. Please wait for me."

That was what I wanted, for him to come over so I could cry and vent and everything. Somehow, I was still confused to why he was so nice to me, but he was the only person I could count on right now.

I stayed inside the cubicle for 30 minutes, sitting down on the cold porcelain floor, looking at pictures of Finn and I. Crying every time I could think of a happy memory between the two of us. I hugged my knees and from what I could recall, this is the lowest of the lowest I had felt ever since my mother passed away when I was ten.