Abroad

Chapter 62

*H E R O*

The door closes and she stares at me with those dark, big, sad eyes. I hate myself for hurting her like this. I hate how I feel. I love her. I never expected to fall in love and I never wanted to but I did. I tried to fight it for so many reasons. I see her drive away from me and I scream. Fuck, fuck, fuck! What have I done?! I was so sure she would come home with me. I was so sure she would stay but she's gone. It's over. I shouldn't have been angry about what she said when she was drunk. I should have been more patient. I should have tried more. But most of all, I should have been honest with her. Okay, that's it. I'm kicking Melany out, now. I know it's not fair to be angry, I'm the one to blame. The worst part is, Charlotte always expected this. She never fully trusted me, not after what that asshole did to her. I stop walking and realize something. That asshole said he missed her and he's in Belgium. Fuck, what if my mistake drives her back to him? I take my phone and call some of my old childhood friends. I need them in Cardiff. I come across a pub and I walk in. Fuck this shit. She's just another girl and she's the one who left. At least I tried.

* C H A R L O T T E*

The bus ride and the flight might have been the worst of my life. All I did was cry. It was kind of déjà vu really, all I did when I was on my way to Cardiff was cry. People will probably think I'm crazy.

The moment I see my dad at the airport I am relieved. I'm home. My dad gives me a hug and is wise enough not to ask anything about Hero.

"You lost weight! I'll make your favorite, steak and fries," he says when we get home.

"Thanks dad," I say with the first real smile in days. "I'll put my stuff in my room and I'll help you." When I enter my bedroom I close the door and rest my head against it. I close my eyes and take some deep breaths. I'm home. I'll be okay.

Being home with my family didn't take the pain away. The hole in my heart is still there. The numbness is gone though. Bit by bit, day by day I feel alive again. Tonight I'm going to a football game with my friends. I decided to go early since I haven't been there for so long. I enter the stadium and walk upstairs. I turn around halfway and look around. I take a deep breath. This is how I like a football stadium: empty and quiet. The calm before the storm. I'm looking forward to tonight's game. Suddenly I hear footsteps and I'm aware of his presence before I even see or hear him. I can feel it's him.

"Hey Charlotte," Tommy says while walking up the stairs.

"Tommy."

"I didn't know you were back."

"It's Easter, of course I am." We're quiet for a while. My heart is pounding in my chest.

"I texted you." He sounds hurt.

"I know."

"Why didn't you text back?"

"I.. had a boyfriend." I'm still staring at the football field. His eyes are focused on me.

"You had a boyfriend? As in, not anymore?" Talking about Hero, especially with Tommy, is like taking a knife in the stomach. It physically hurts so much.

"It's complicated," I whisper while trying to hold back the tears.

"It's that movie star isn't it? Hero Fiennes-Tiffin?" His voice sounds hard and I look at him for the first time.

"Yeah, so?!"

"Jesus Lottie, what were you thinking? He's a fucking Hollywood heartthrob, years younger than you. Of course you get hurt." Ouch, he is right obviously but it still hurts to hear someone say out loud all the reasons why I'm not good enough to be with Hero. I'm so obsessed with Hero that I don't feel the usual pain of hearing the nickname only Tommy has for me.

"We haven't talked in a year, Tom. What do you want?" I turn around and stare into his eyes. God, I know him so well. I can always read his eyes. I couldn't with Hero's.

"You."