TART The Sequel [TART 3]

Mistakes Were Made

I posted this earlier today:

And I just wanted to let you guys know that...

It was really just a joke between my friends and I lmao. T and I went to Amalie's house so she could color our hair, and right as Amalie started on my hair, I thought it would be funny if I posted that and my friends agreed so I did XD I'm sorry if I scared anyone ;-;

First, Amalie colored T's hair brown (to get rid of the old color she had since she had colored her hair earlier), and then bleached the bottom to give her ombré hair

Amalie did the same thing as last time for me lol, she's been bugging me for weeks now to bleach my hair again XD My hair grows SO INCREDIBLY FAST so she wanted to bring the lighter color farther up lol

So yeah, nothing drastic, my hair is just a little lighter at the tips XD Maybe I'll get a good picture of it tomorrow in the daylight >_>

We also made pizza and watched "The Greatest Showman", which was actually a really good movie. Especially to people like me who LOVE the artistic and aesthetically pleasing parts of movies XD

One thing today made me really happy TwT

I was walking with Amalie to meet up with T, and we started talking about the whole situation between Mal and I, and Amalie told me that she's noticed that I've gotten stronger

Literally no one has ever thought of me as a strong person, so that meant so much to me 😭😭😭💕

There's just one thing that bothers me

Have I gotten stronger, or have I found a way to shut off my feelings? Lol

I have spent so much time these past few months just thinking and thinking, and I've discovered so many things about myself and the people around me. I feel like I have a deeper understanding about why I am the way I am

And I think I finally found the root of my problems

And no, it's not Earl Brian Bradley lmao

It's kinda funny because I've always thought of myself as super honest and open, but there's a really big part of myself that I have kept hidden for almost 10 years. Until recently, I had never even spoken about it out loud, and I think I had locked those memories away because I had forgotten all about them until I dug them back

I was talking with Amalie and T a few weeks ago and I can't remember what we were talking about, but I ended up trying to tell them about it

And I completely broke down on the spot

Which was actually really embarrassing because we were at a restaurant LMAO (it was basically empty and I broke down quietly lol, so no one else saw me luckily)

I must've looked pretty bad because both Amalie and T instantly hugged me T_T I had no idea that it had been bothering me this much

I don't think I understood at the time just how damaging those things were, and I forced myself to forget about it because I never wanted anyone to hear about it

And now I just feel kinda guilty because I've always talked about how I can't lie, when in reality, I've been lying for over half of my life

At least now I know the root of my problem, so I can start working on that, and maybe there's actually hope for me XD