TART The Sequel [TART 3]

New Year

It's that time of the year again...

Time for me to write about my reflections and achievements of the year and what I was grateful for this year :D I'm definitely gonna ramble so I'm sorry lol

If I had to describe this year short and simple, I'd call it a slap in the face. It beat me and broke me and brought me to my knees, but I needed it. It was a wake up call. It felt like a test of my strength; and it was a test I'm happy to say I passed.

This year has been absolute hell in my eyes; everything was changing and I've never been very good with change. I've lost some of the most important people in my life, I've had a lot of disappointments and fails, and I've been at my absolute lowest. I'm convinced I even had or was developing depression at some point, because I completely detached myself from everyone, I lost sight of everything that was important to me and not even art could bring me joy anymore, and I felt like I was just aimlessly floating around in nothing but complete darkness and emptiness. All this year, I've either felt way too much or nothing at all.

I was lost in my own mind for the majority of the year, and though it was terrifying and it hurt like hell, it did me well. I started understanding myself and the people around me on a much deeper level. I realized so many things that I hadn't before. I feel like I finally understood who I am and why I am the way I am, and once I had that down, I could figure out who I wanted to be and how I could become that person.

And that's when I realized that if I ever wanna be that person I want to be and live that life I wanna live, I need to make that change. I'm the only person who is capable of making that change, and I am the only person in the way of achieving those things. I also realized that the pain I am going through, have gone through and will go through, is not for nothing. It's not the universe out to get me. It's not just bad luck, it's not just me "deserving the pain". It's for me to learn and grow from, and it's the only way for me to learn and grow.

Pain is inevitable; it's how we react to it and what we do to overcome it that is important.

And now that I've realized all of this, I'm ready to put this decade behind me and work towards that fresh start I want so badly. I feel like I have a completely different mindset than earlier this year, and I wouldn't have had that if it wasn't for all the pain I've been through. I'm actually glad I went through that pain, because I wouldn't be the way I am now if it wasn't for the pain.

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Anywho lol, time to write about my achievements this year :D

- I went to several job interviews, had a summer job and got a job at the bakery. Can you guys believe it?? XD This anxious little girl getting a job?? Lol

- Started a youtube channel, hit 1k followers on instagram, started taking commissions and I've actually earned quite a bit of money from the commissions :D

- Called 911 lol. Come on, I called someone and I'm terrified of talking on the phone, I think that's worth mentioning XDD

- Got a puppy 💕💕💕💕

- I got more independent. I was alone, and that was okay.

- Got new friends, and got a lot closer to my new best friends: Amalie and T :)

- Improved my mental state, fought my anxiety and started taking care of myself

- Hit rock bottom and made it out alive

And most of all, my biggest achievement for 2019 was surviving. If I'm being completely honest, I didn't know how long I was gonna make it. I wasn't looking very far into the future; I was unsure if I was even gonna have one. But I made it through the year, and I've come out stronger, wiser, more mature and just overall better. I proved to myself that I am stronger than I've ever believed I was. And I feel like I'm ready to take on the world. I know who I want to be and how I want to live, and I'm damn well gonna work hard towards it

And last but not least, I wanna thank you guys for being here for me. Wattpad really is my therapist lol, and I'm just glad that you guys are still around and have stuck with me even though I've been a bummer for most of the year XD Seriously, it means the world to me, I hope you guys realize just how much I appreciate each and every one of you. I hope that you guys have had a great year, and I wish you guys nothing but the best for 2020 as well. Thank you for sticking with me for another year <3

Happy new year ❤️