TART The Sequel [TART 3]

Disturbed Mind and MILDLINERS

I forgot to write about this but I was so embarrassed a few weeks ago 😭😭

We have to work again for two weeks in early January (for school), and I sent off an application to the other nursing home in town

Since I'm a lazy fuck, I used the same application as I used last time and just changed the name of the nursing home I was applying to and the person I was sending it to, but apparently the change didn't save and I sent the wrong application

I didn't get an answer for a week or two so I sent another email (because I was really running low on time), and I got back something like "I'm sorry, you wrote [other nursing home] so we thought you sent the application to the wrong person"

I'M SO EMBARRASSED

THIS IS THEIR FIRST IMPRESSION OF ME T_T

The airhead who didn't check which application they were sending :'>

Anywho, I'm determined to actually go through with it this time

I wasn't able to last time because so much was going on in my life and my anxiety levels were constantly at a 9 out of 10 so the smallest things would cause a panic attack, but I'm doing a lot better now and I've managed to calm down and lower my anxiety levels

So I'm gonna do it this time!! If it wasn't for my social anxiety, I know that I would be great with people because I'm super intuitive and understanding, and I have that innocent and harmless aura that makes people feel safe lol

I just also look like a lost, scared puppy constantly :'> But I just have to work on that! It's all about your body language! XD

I've actually been working a lot on my body language. I'm not good at small talk or any kind of talk for that matter, so I've really trained myself to be a good listener over the years. You start to pick up a thing or two when you've been on the outside for so long, and I think this is why I'm so good at reading and understanding people

I just need to stand up straight, try not to fiddle with my hands, keep eye contact and smile and nod as much as possible :D

^ that's the least I can do since I suck at talking lol

But that can be trained, I just haven't gotten a lot of training since I've sort of isolated myself for so many years, but that'll change now that I'm actually motivated and determined to make that change! If I ever wanna move out of this hellhole and actually be okay, I have to be able to do this

A fresh start isn't a new place, it's a new mindset, and that's gonna be my ultimate new year resolution! New mindset = fresh start, and I need that fresh start lmao

If there was one thing I could tell past me, it would be that I'm in control. I'm in control of my life, my thoughts, my future. Toxic friends aren't holding me back, my past isn't holding me back, my anxiety isn't holding me back. I am holding myself back. No one's gonna save me. No one can save me. If I want change, I need to make that change.

I feel so dumb for not realizing this sooner >_< It's easy to just blame things, like in this case, my anxiety, for everything bad that happens in my life.

But yeah, what are your new year's resolutions? :)

—

I'm on page 200 in "IT" now, and I've finally reached part 2, which is FINALLY when It strikes XD So hell yeahhh, I'm finally at the exciting part (soon) 👌

I'm convinced that Stephen King is a psychopath lmao

How does anyone just think about things like this??? He was writing about the history of Derry (the town in "It"), and there was this Easter egg hunt in one of the buildings for all the children, and it had blown up and killed nearly 200 children

Someone had found a child's head (literally just the head) in their apple tree, with the chocolate from the Easter eggs smudged on their face, along with the blood

Like, this man's mind must've been very disturbed lmao

Reading "It" has reminded me of how fun I used to think writing was, and I wanna do it again so badly >_< I just have no creativity or motivation lmao

I procrastinate too much and I'm too indecisive to decide on a storyline >_> I would really love to finish my Zodiac book over at KaitlinAnnetteDavis (I cant remember the name of the book lmao but it's the one about the school for 24 zodiacs, with Sullivan and Olivia and my boy Owen)

I have over 3000 words of quick notes for the rest of that story, I have soooo many ideas and I'm so happy with the plot but I can't get myself to fill in the gaps and actually sit down and write, especially not between school and art T_T

Oh well, hopefully I'll have time to finish it when I'm a self-employed artist XD I can almost guarantee that no matter what career path I choose, I'm gonna quit and end up as an artist one day anyway lmao

^ art is endgame for me, I can feel it in my bones :D

—

I woke up at this time one day:

Nice 👌

It was kinda funny because I saw that it was 4 a.m. and my first thought was "shit, you only wake up at 4 in the morning when something's staring at you", but then I saw the 4:20 and I just thought "lol nice" and went back to sleep XD

Also, I'm an idiot :)

I was looking at the different colors of the Zebra Mildliner pens online, and it said that they were double ended and I was a little sad because mine weren't double ended

I went over to my pens to try to see what colors I had, and then I saw that it said "broad" and pointed at the cap

And I thought that was weird so I looked at the other end and it said "fine"

They're literally double ended

IM SO STUPID

IT TOOK ME 4 DAYS TO REALIZE THAT THERE WERE 2 NIBS ON EACH MILDLINER PEN ALSHAPSKX

Ok look at this pen (the white one):

IT ONLY LOOKS LIKE THERE'S ONE NIB, RIGHT?!

I feel so stupid 😂 Especially because I've also BEEN CALLING THEM "MIDLINERS" INSTEAD OF "MILDLINERS" ALL THIS TIME

***virtual table flipping***