TART The Sequel [TART 3]

=w=

I won't talk too much about this because I don't wanna make anyone sad or anything, but I was reading Qinni's best friend's tweets about Qinni's death (the artist that passed away), and I was so close to crying because she explained how Qinni always stayed so positive and happy despite all the suffering she had to endure, and just a few days before she passed away, she was talking about everything she would do next year 😔

I was also scrolling through Qinni's instagram posts because she always updated everyone on her health, and on December 30th, she wrote that she had stage 4 cancer and had about a year to a year and a half left to live

She barely made it passed one more month...

I was also reading the captions to the drawings that all my favorite artists created for her, and a few of them had written things like "I hope she's up there painting the sky" and that breaks my heart ;;

The thing Qinni would draw the most was galaxies and stars... I hope that wherever she is now, she's finally at peace and doesn't have to suffer anymore. I really do hope she's painting the sky

This whole ordeal has really reminded me of why I wanted to be an artist in the first place. I want to do to people what Qinni did for me and a lot of others. I want to motivate, create, inspire, and spark creativity and hope in others. I want to be a part of something bigger than myself, and be a part of a community that welcomes me with open arms and will remember my name and my work long after I'm gone. I wanna leave a mark on this world

And I'm damn well gonna do so! XD I absolutely refuse to leave this world without accomplishing my goal lol

—

I don't what's wrong but my body is definitely trying to tell me something XD

I don't feel sick-sick, I just feel bleh and off lol. I haven't had an appetite these past few days, and I was really nauseous at school yesterday and today >_< Plus my concentration completely gave out and I couldn't do any schoolwork today

I feel drained and icky and ugh >_< Im guessing it's stress and anxiety eating at my body :/ I have no idea how to stop it though

I had another talk with the school nurse today and I legit felt a million times WORSE afterwards

First of all, there was a freaking student with her so I didn't even feel comfortable with talking about all the things that were bothering me

And no matter what I said, she would say things like "nah it'll be alright" and "everything is gonna work out" and I'm just like??? That's not helpful in the slightest XD

Then I told her that I was stressing so badly about my future because I have less than 3 weeks to decide what the fuck I'm supposed to do, and she was hitting me with all the things that only made me MORE anxious

I felt the anxiety rise so extremely fast in my chest and I knew a panic attack was building up, and I felt my eyes water a little bit but THANK GOD I managed to push away the tears XD

I also got extremely lightheaded and dizzy while I was sitting there because I was so nervous, and I'm pretty sure I slurred my words a little because I think I almost fainted again lol

I kinda wobbled down the hallway back to class afterwards, I must've looked traumatized or intoxicated lmao

So yeah, I'm panicking like hell but it's fine :)))))

I'm just comforting myself with edits of Cloud and Noctis from the Final Fantasy franchise =w= ~♡

I NEED TO GET INTO THE FINAL FANTASY GAMESSSS

The new Final Fantasy 7 remake looks so good >_<

And I reeeeally need to finish Final Fantasy 15 because I'm in love with Noctis-

Hannah has played Final Fantasy 15, and she still cries every time she thinks about the ending (which is insane because she never cries)

It's nothing but emotional torture, which is why I need to play it lol

I'm starting to think that there's this dark part of me that loves emotional pain, what's wrong with me-

Like, the more painful a story is, the more I love it XD I feel more attached to the story and characters if a part of me dies with them :)))