TART The Sequel [TART 3]

>:(

School has turned me into an eye-roller

I'm not a very angry person and it takes quite a lot to make me angry (and there's only one person that I've ever hated), but I was ANGRY yesterday

I don't know why but my tolerance to assholes was extremely low yesterday, and I almost flipped out on my two "friends" from class. Maybe I'm just emotionally unstable right now because of all the stress and anxiety :P

They just have to judge and correct every little thing I say and all my opinions are always wrong and stupid and they're such know-it-all's and it was really getting on my nerves

I rolled my eyes (very visibly!) while they were both looking at me lol

And then I had to escape to my real friends and rant to them about this

It doesn't help that they're good friends with Mal too so she always clings onto them. Which sucks, because then I'm suddenly invisible and unimportant

—

To some better news lol, I had a science test yesterday, and I did really well! :D

I also got interviewed by one of the local newspapers >_< It was the lady who came up to me during SUM lol

I was so nervous! Luckily it went fine though lol

She asked about my art (obviously lol) and things like what inspires me, when I started drawing, my future art goals and stuff like that

And then she took pictures of some of my favorite drawings that I brought ^^ And the best part is that she didn't need to take a picture of me! Thank God lmao

This next part is really just rambling lol, I'm sorry

Ok one last thing: the deadline to apply for schools is nearing and I think all the teachers are worried about me -_-" Everyone keeps asking me if I've made a decision :(

Even the school nurse asked to talk with me yesterday, and we ended up talking about my future the whole time. She also thinks that I should reach for my dreams and take the art school, but I'm still unsure

(All of this happened and was written yesterday btw. I talked with the guidance counselor today and it actually helped a lot)

All my teachers seem to think that I should move and take the art school and that I'll be alright, but I know that my family doesn't want me to move

I haven't really talked about this with my friends or family, because I feel like no one believes in me. Hell, I don't even believe in myself

And it's scaring the hell out of me, because I really want to go to that school, but I don't want to move out. If I had more time to prepare then I probably would've been fine with moving out, but this hit me like a train and I've had little to no time to process it

I think what scares me the most about moving out, is how lonely I will be. I even feel lonely here in my town with my friends and family, how will I cope with being completely alone in a new town?

I can't exactly just go home, cry my eyes out and have my family comfort me when I've had a tough day. I'm so bad at making friends too, so what if I can't even make friends? Then I'll be completely alone, two hours away from home

I could always go home in the weekends and stuff, but still... Though I've gotten better, I'm not exactly a very independent person and I feel so unsafe without reassurance

I want it so badly, but I'm so scared

And I know that I should make this decision for myself and not for anyone else, but I can't stop thinking about my family. I can't even imagine how much they're gonna worry about me, or how lonely my sister is gonna be

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I legit almost had a panic attack while I was writing that yesterday and I had to force my tears away >_< But I FINALLY saw the guidance counselor again today and she helped me weigh my pros and cons about going to that art school, and the pros outweighs the cons

So I feel a little better now lol, but I'm still scared

In my application for school, I have two art high schools in the city as my first choice and the second year of the health class in town as my second choice, so if it goes to hell, at least I have a plan B

Well, that's if I even get into the art school XD

Also, when I was talking to the guidance counselor today, I told her that I really wanted to go to the art school but I wasn't sure if I was ready, and then I asked, "how do I even know if I'm ready?"

And the moment those words left my mouth, a thought crossed my mind

What if we're never really ready for anything? Or maybe we're always ready? What if all we need to do is take that leap? Is there really a switch in our brain that lets us know when we're ready, or do we have to just go for it?

So fuck it im going with it. If it doesn't work out, then I'll just come back home and try again in a year or so. But I'd much rather regret trying, then regret not trying