TART The Sequel [TART 3]

Stress ;A;

School again :(

It was nice to see my friends again though! ^-^ I was a lot with Amalie, T, R and T's friend today and yesterday, especially since my two "friends" from class have gotten really close with Mal >_>

I was walking with my two "friends" yesterday when Mal walked up and the three of them + Mark started talking, and I swear they legit formed a circle and I was completely excluded, just standing behind them confused and lonely :(

So I just thought "whatever" and walked away to find T and her friend lol. At least they talk to me and acknowledge my existence >_>

Speaking of Mal, she had the nerve to sit next to me when we were in the auditorium today (in her defense, she was walking right behind me and all my "friends" were on my other side, so she either had to sit alone or with me. She chose the wrong option lmao)

I just kept thinking "is this bitch serious??" and scooted all the way to the opposite side of my seat lol

Call me immature but this heartless demon has brought so much pain into my life so I'd like to avoid her like the plague :) I haven't even told you guys half of the things that my friends and I have been through because of her, but I can promise you that she truly is a bad person. She's too busy feeling sorry for herself and playing the victim to realize what she has done and is doing to the people around her. She broke me, and this is me picking up the pieces and trying to fix my life and it just feels so hopeless when she uses every opportunity to remind me of all that pain

Aaaanywho, the thought about moving out isn't nearly as scary now that I've had time to actually think about it and process it, plus I'm most likely getting a place with T! I'm more excited than scared now, kinda like what you feel before a rollercoaster XD

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I was super stressed already yesterday! I have a math test tomorrow and I was so worried about it that I seriously only managed to study for 10 minutes before my brain short-circuited and I had a panic attack and couldn't study anymore >_<

I felt hopeless and just gave up. My mom felt so bad for me that she made me tea lol

But today I found out that we're allowed to bring one paper with us to the test, so I don't feel hopeless anymore! XD I wrote rules and examples for all the subchapters in the chapter and covered both sides of the paper lol, so at least I'm a little prepared

I'm still stressed though, and not just because of the math test. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and nothing I do really feels good enough so I'm constantly beating myself up over everything I do (or don't do)

I seriously forgot how to relax >_< The only time in the past week or so that I've truly felt relaxed, was when I was reading Michael Vey. I love that I forget about my surroundings and all my worries whenever I'm reading that story, it seriously feels like I'm inside the story watching everything go down like a movie

I've also felt at peace when drawing, but not always :') I pressure myself way too much when it comes to my art, so I always seem to be thinking "this could be better", "no one is gonna like this" or "I should've drawn more today"

But a lot of the time, I forget about those thoughts at least as I'm drawing, and I'm really happy when that happens ^-^

I just need to learn how to chill tf out lmao

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Anywho, we had an UKM meeting today, since UKM is nearing (it's on Saturday)

I actually didn't come late this time 👌👌👌

Yes, I'm the kind of person who comes late to absolutely everything lmao, and it bugs the hell out of Amalie and T XDD

Anywho, T and I are responsible for all the art and stuff that's gonna be displayed, so we spent the time just writing notes for each participant that explained their name, age, title of their artwork, what kind of artwork it is, and their description of the artwork

We're gonna be the ones receiving all the artwork on Friday and getting it all displayed and ready for Saturday ^^

Ok last thing: I don't know why but I was laughing at this meme for sooo long today

It's just so random, I love it XDDD

Anywho, I hope you guys have had a nice week ^-^ Stay safe and healthy lol <3