TART The Sequel [TART 3]

Max Trauma

I'm sorry for not writing much anymore :'> And I'm even more sorry for being so bad at replying to you guys

I just wanted to write a quick update on my life so far wiThOut it bEing toO dePresSing

Long story short, I've lost Mal

She's completely changed, but I don't even know when it happened or why. So she's been manipulating me and lying to my face for months - if not years

She keeps secrets and lies to me, and then has the nerve to turn every situation around to make me look like the bad guy. She always managed to make me feel guilty about things that weren't my fault

She's just become a shitty person

FoR eXaMpLe, I don't like that she's constantly on her phone whenever I try to talk with her (because it's RUDE and she doesn't listen to me), and I asked her if she could pay attention, and she turned to me and said "it's 2019. Adapt." And she meant it

I think that was the last straw because I've completely detached myself since then. Mal and I have been having a lot of problems for a few months now, and my friends and I have tried to get Mal and I to talk together about things, but it doesn't work. It always end up with her telling me that I'm selfish and that I need to "fix myself" because all these problems are caused by my anxiety and my low-esteem and all that - it's all caused by my own personal problems

And of course that's planted thoughts in my head that everything is my fault and that everyone would be better off without me, so I've been so lonely and anxious for many weeks, always blaming myself and thinking that I'm a burden to everyone

I've been an actual wreck

It just really sucks because Mal has been the most important person in my life for 4 years. I thought that we were gonna be best friends for the rest of our lives

I feel used

I think the hardest part about this is that we can't just naturally grow apart. We're in the same class and we even sit next to each other. I can't avoid her. I have to bite my tongue all day long because no matter what I say, it's either wrong according to her or she just gets mad at me

Which obviously eats away at my confidence - which is low enough as it is

The only friends I have left is Amalie and T, but they're in different classes and I don't see them very often. I don't have any friends in my class, and I have no fucking clue how I'm supposed to survive these next school years alone - tormented by my ex best friend

I TRIED TO KEEP THIS SHORT IM SORRYYYYY

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ANYWHOOO as cheesy as this sounds, I'm learning how to take care of myself :>

I need to learn to be ok on my own anyway. I need to be independent

Drawing is obviously something that I use to make me feel better, but I've also started reading a lot more and journaling

And I'm finally fighting my social anxiety! I've started a journal strictly for documenting my anxiety, so I write down all my small accomplishments that I would've forgotten about otherwise (among other things)

I'm also trying to surround myself with actual good people. I've been hanging out a lot more with Amalie and T, and I also really want to become friends with Amalie's friends ^-^ They certainly care a lot more about me than Mal ever did

I have a funny story too lol

My little sister posted this a while back:

And then we had a weird conversation:

I also dug up a weird childhood fear

Have you guys seen "the last unicorn"?????

That scared the hell out of me as a child

I still feel weird whenever I think of that movie T_T

Also, Veggie Tales still creeps the hell out of me

NEXT CHAPTER'S GONNA BE A FUNNY CHAPTER OK JUST BARE WITH ME XD