The Doctor Of War ³

Before The Flood

"So, there's this man and woman. They have a time machine. Up and down history they go, zip zip zip zip zip, getting into scrapes. Another thing they have is a passion for the works of Ludwig van Beethoven. And one day they think, what's the point of having a time machine if you don't get to meet your heroes? So off they go to eighteenth century Germany. But they can't find Beethoven anywhere. No one's heard of him, not even his family have any idea who the time travellers are talking about. Beethoven literally doesn't exist. This didn't happen, by the way. We've met Beethoven. Nice chap. Very intense. Loved an arm-wrestle. No, this is called the Bootstrap Paradox. Google it. The time travellers panic. They can't bear the thought of a world without the music of Beethoven. Luckily, they'd brought all of his Beethoven sheet music for Ludwig to sign. So, they copy out all the concertos, and the symphonies and they get them published. They become Beethoven. And history continues with barely a feather ruffled. But my question is this. Who put those notes and phrases together? Who really composed Beethoven's Fifth?" I have finished plugging in the electric guitar and plays a few notes.

---

O'Donnell and I get out of the TARDIS to be met with a completely fake town, with Russian signs and cardboard cut-out people. The TARDIS has landed on the fake railway platform.

"Where's Bennett? We need to get going" I say.

"Oh, he's still throwing up. One small step for man, one giant bleurgh."

"Oh, time travel does that sometimes.

"Somehow I doubt that Rose or Martha or Amy lost their breakfast on their first trip."

"You seem to know an awful lot about me and the Doctor."

"I used to be in military intelligence. I was demoted for dangling a colleague out of a window."

"In anger?"

"Is there another way to dangle someone out a window? What year are we in?" I look around.

"1980."

"So, pre-Harold Saxon. Pre-the Minister of War. Pre-the moon exploding and a big bat coming out."

"The Minister of War?"

"Yeah."

"No, never mind. I expect I'll find out soon enough" Bennett comes out of the TARDIS and closes the door.

"Sorry about that. Had a prawn sandwich. Might have been off."

"Ah ha. Don't worry. Shall we go?" I ask.

"Just one sec, I've just got something in my boot," O'Donnell says, I shrug and walks away. O'Donnell jumps up and down in excitement "it's bigger on the inside, it's bigger on the inside, it's bigger on the inside. How can it be bigger on the inside, Bennett? Ok, let's roll." They soon catch up to me, walking past fake shop fronts, a telephone box and a poster of Stalin.

"Why have we gone to Russia?" Bennett asks.

"Er, we haven't. We're still in Scotland. This is the town before it flooded. The TARDIS has brought us to when the spaceship first touched down. But here and now, it's the height of the Cold War. The military were being trained for offensives on Soviet soil" they find the spaceship with its rear ramp down, parked in front of the church. They go inside the spaceship. The missing stasis chamber is in place, and a wrapped mummy is lying on the other one.

"Oh, is that the pilot? My God, look at the size of it" O'Donnell says.

"No, that's the body" I say, Bennett opens the floor hatch where the two power cells are.

"What do you mean, the body?" O'Donnell asks.

"This isn't just any spaceship. It's a hearse."

"The suspended animation chamber's still here, and the power cells for the engine," Bennett says.