The Doctor Of War ³

Oxygen

"Space, the final frontier. Final  because it wants to kill us. Sometimes we forget that, start taking it all for granted. The suits, the ships, the little bubbles of safety, as they protect us from the void. But the void is always waiting" I am drawing a rocket on the blackboard "so, how does space kill you? I'm glad you asked. The main problem is pressure. There isn't any. So, don't hold your breath or your lungs will explode. Blood vessels rupture. Exposed areas swell. Fun fact! The boiling temperature of water is much lower in a vacuum. Which means that your sweat and your saliva will boil, as will the fluid around your eyes. You won't notice any of this because fifteen seconds in, you've passed out as oxygen bubbles formed in your blood. And ninety seconds in, you're dead. Any questions?" I joined various stars on the blackboard with lines to create a skull. A girl student raises her hand "yes?"

"What's this got to do with crop rotation?" Nardole is watching from the side.

"Er, I dunno. But space is great, isn't it?"

*Time skip*

"You're missing it, aren't you?" Nardole asks as he walks beside me.

"Crop rotation?"

"Space. I'm worried you're thinking about taking another trip, ma'am."

"I'm here, I'm guarding the vault. What do you want from me?"

"The truth."

"Don't be unreasonable."

*Time skip*

"Space! Going to space is exactly like camping" the Doctor says as he, Bill and I stand around the console.

"Is it?" Bill asks.

"Er, well, no."

"Ok."

"Well, in a way, yes."

"Great."

"Too much between you and the outside and you might as well stay home. To really feel it, you need the space equivalent of a wafer-thin sleeping bag and a leaky two-man tent. So, pick a campsite."

"Got any reviews?"

"What?"

"You know, like for restaurants. Waiter was a bit handsy, lasagne gave me the trots. Two stars."

"Strangely, no" Bill looks at the scanner then touches it.

"Oh, I don't know. That one" the Doctor looks at the scanner.

"Ah, yes, well, possibly we could go there, pitch our tent next to the toilet block. How about something a bit more exciting?" he touches another point, which then glows red and beeps.

"What's that?" Bill asks, I walk over, looking as well.

"That is our theme tune. Otherwise known as a distress call" I say.

"You like distress calls?"

"You only really see the true face of the universe when it's asking for your help."

"I haven't seen my true face in years. Swapped it for this one on the run" Nardole says walking up to them.

"Oh, look, Bill, it's Nardole. What a lovely surprise" the Doctor says.

"I thought I sent you to Birmingham for a packet of crisps" I say.

"Yeah, I saw through your cunning ruse" Nardole replies.

"Yes, well, if you will go thinking for yourself. What do you want?"

"I was given strict instructions to keep you at the university."