The Doctor Of War ³

World Enough And Time

The TARDIS materialises and the door opens, and Missy steps out.

"Hello. I'm Doctor Who. And these are my plucky assistants, Thing One and the Other One" Bill and Nardole follow Missy out of the TARDIS.

"Bill. Nardole" Nardole says clearly unimpressed by the whole situation.

"We picked up your distress call" Missy winks "and here we are to help, like awesome heroes" she does a twirl.

"Yeah, we're not, we're not assistants," Bill says.

"Ok, right, so, so what do they call you? Companions? Pets? Snacks?" red lights come on and a rhythmic alarm sounds "oh, someone's watching" she starts dancing "well, that's quite a good beat, really, isn't it?"

"Yeah. Maybe we should be moving on?" Nardole says.

"Yeah, and they call us friends" Bill adds.

"Ew, Seer. But think of the age gap" Missy says as puts her parasol on the big chair and unpins her hat.

"Stop mucking about and concentrate" I say as the Doctor and I sit in the gallery the Doctor has his feet up, eating a packet of crisps.

"Nardole, do something non-irritating," the Doctor says.

"On it, sir!"

"Time Lords are friends with each other, dear. Everything else is cradle-snatching" Missy says.

"Oh, it's a big one. Ship reads as four hundred miles long and a hundred miles wide" Nardole says.

"It's big, even for a colony ship. Anything else?" I ask.

"Er," he looks up through the observation dome at the black hole "oh, look at that."

"Finally! It's like watching plants grow" the Doctor says.

"It's heading towards a black hole," Nardole says.

"No," Missy says.

"No, it isn't" I add.

"It was heading towards a black hole until somebody noticed. Now they're trying to reverse away from it. Engines are on reverse thrust, see?"

"Oh. Well, it's succeeding" Nardole says.

"Very, very slowly."

"Explains the distress call, I guess" Bill murmurs. The Doctor is holding the scanner like a Pad, trailing a thick illuminated cable from the console. He walks down the steps followed by me.

"So, a four-hundred-mile ship, reversing away from the gravitational pull of a black hole. Are we having fun yet?" the Doctor asks.

"Mmm," Missy hums a viewscreen slightly off to the side comes to life in black and white. The main viewscreen has an image of the black hole on it.

"Hello? Who's there? Hello? Please report status."

"Oh, hello," Missy says "what have we got here? You're probably handsome, aren't you? Well, congratulations on your relative symmetry."

"Who are you?"

"Well, I am that mysterious adventurer in all of time and space, known only as Doctor Who. And these are my disposables, Exposition and Comic Relief."

"We're not functions," Nardole says.

"Darling, those were genders."

"Please, stay exactly where you are for your own safety."

"He likes me. So exciting" Missy says.

"I'm coming through."

"Hurry, my stallion. And if I'm in the shower, just bring me some beans on toast. That's..."