Disclosure [h.s]

20

Harry

How can I be so stupid?

I have never met someone as stupid as me. How did I let myself get carried away by my feelings for Evelyn? I haven't let that happen in ages now.

But more importantly, why did I have such strong feelings towards Evelyn? She was a simple social worker, who came into our lives by accident. What made her different from all the others?

Well, maybe the fact that she is almost my age unlike the others, but most importantly she is caring and thoughtful, oh, and did I mention that she is beautiful? Fuck, I shouldn't even be feeling this way towards her.

Yes, she has a boyfriend and that should be a good enough reason for me to stay away from her. But her boyfriend is an idiot, and I didn't feel guilty at all to be trying to kiss her while she was in a relationship with him. I was almost one hundred percent sure she would let me kiss her when I made a move yesterday. I could see it by the way she looked at my lips, or how she gladly accepted my touch.

Of course she resisted my kiss, Evelyn tries too hard to do the right thing. She hardly lets her feelings take control of her. While that might be a good thing sometimes, other times it is very problematic.

And her rejection hurt me more than it should. Not only because I am not used to hearing the word no coming from a woman's mouth, usually they were the ones who begged for me, but because it came from her.

The only person I truly wanted to kiss in a long time.

I had even prepared a nice date with her, I took her to a fucking park at night, where we had the beautiful view of London in front of us. I brought her fucking tea and blankets. Could I be any more desperate for her? God, you are so stupid Harry.

But it felt right to invite her yesterday, it felt so right.

She was opening up to me, she told me about her life and she didn't even try to ask about mine, as I thought she would do. Evelyn is one of those people who you think they are one thing, and they end up being the total opposite. But with her, it was something good.

 When I first met her at my doorstep, I thought she was an annoying noisy social worker, like all the others we had in the past. She was always there when something happened, and I couldn't help but think she just wanted to set us up and ruin our lives.

But she proved to be trustful again, and again. She was truly kind and caring, which she didn't have to do, I found that out on the day she helped Collin. I know I may or may not have threatened her in the past, but what could I do at the time? My mother could have gotten in real trouble if she missed another house visit.

Evelyn believed my words because of how intimidating I look, but the truth is that I would never hurt her. I may hurt my opponents, I may not show them mercy, but I don't hurt women for fun. I never did it in my life and don't plan on starting it now.

Developing feelings for Eve was not in my plans. And I still haven't quite figured out what I feel for her. It is true that she is very attractive, but there is much more to her than that. Maybe I just feel sexually attracted to her, it is a possibility.

 But then why do I keep acting like I am her friend? I invite her to have lunch with me, I took her on a date yesterday and I show up at her house drunk because that was the only place I wanted to go, and all without second intentions.

You are in deep trouble, Harry.

At least now she made clear she doesn't want anything with me. This way I can finally put aside my feelings and desires for her. It is the wisest thing to do. She has a boyfriend, who is the biggest idiot, but at least he doesn't do illegal things. At least he is not involved in deep shit like I am.