Disclosure [h.s]

54

Harry

I was only nine the first time my mom tried to end it all.

It was a few short months after she gave birth to Collin, the same time Howard really started to show his true colours and what his true intention was. Now that I think about it, it was on that day that I lost my mom, the bright and cheerful person she always used to be was long gone. 

It was not nothing but a distant memory in the back of my head.

At the time I was younger than what Collin is today, but I was also the one who found her, who had to call the ambulance who saw her lifeless body on the cold floor. I still remember vividly that moment as if it had been yesterday, and last night when I found her laying down on the bathroom floor I thought the worst, I was reliving one of my worst nightmares.

For a few seconds, I thought it was it, there was no way she could be alive.

But then I saw her chest rising slowly which meant she was conscious. The following minutes are still a blur in my head. I remember the ambulance coming and helping her, I remember seeing Collin and Evelyn hugged and hugging them as well, I remember driving like a maniac to the hospital getting here in record time.

It all happened too fast.

It was now five in the morning and there was no news from my mom. I knew this would take some time, the doctors had warned us about it. They need to make sure to properly clean her stomach to get rid of all the medication she ingested and assess if there is any damage the overdose caused to her brain and her body.

 It is her sixth overdose in ten years which is frightening to think about.

Collin and Evelyn were completely exhausted, but they insisted they wanted to stay here. I wasn't in the mood to talk to them, so I ended up most of my time outside the hospital, smoking like I have never done before. 

I had managed to reduce smoking significantly over the past months, smoking only one or two cigarettes per day, I barely even thought about it anymore it was more a habit than an addiction at this point. But right now I was just too anxious and needed to take my mind out of what was happening.

After finishing the package of cigarettes, I was carrying with me, I walk to the waiting room once more hoping there is a machine or any place where I can buy them.

 Well, it would be a little counterproductive having a machine or any place that sells cigarettes in a hospital, but it was worth the try.

I almost curve my lips into a half-smile when I see Evelyn and Collin on the waiting room. My brother was laying down, occupying three chairs in the waiting room, his head was rested on Evelyn's lap who had her eyes closed as her head rested against the hard wall behind her. Her coat was covering half of Collin's body, who was all curled up to fit his tall body on the chairs.

Evelyn was not sleeping because as soon as she heard my steps, she opened her eyes immediately. She looks so tired, I want to tell her to go home while I stay here but I don't have the energy to do so.

"Do you know where I can buy more?" I ask her showing the empty package on my left hand.

Evelyn shakes her head disapprovingly. "Smoking won't help you." I know she is trying to be helpful, but I am not really in the mood for a lecture. Not tonight.

"I didn't ask for your opinion." I wish I knew how to react in a situation like this, I just end up being the biggest asshole on earth. But I don't really know how to be better no matter how hard I try.