Disclosure [h.s]

36

trigger warning: drug use and violence

Harry

Six years ago

"If you fucking lose this fight, you don't know what I'm going to do to you. You can cause me big trouble." Howard says as we are all sat down at the table, all but Collin who is already asleep in his bed.

Isabella is looking at me with the most devastating expression, and I don't even want to think about what Howard did to her before dinner. My mom is playing with the peas on her plate, with the disconnected expression she carries with her for years.

Sometimes I don't think she is here in person anymore. Her body is with us, but her mind is somewhere else. I can't blame her, if I could I would also vanish from here. But I can't, someone has to be here to protect them from Howard.

Not that I am able to do much, but as long as I keep winning the fights, I know he won't be so bad to them. He has some more important things on his mind, like ascending to the higher ranks of the gang, and the only way he can do that is through me.

I bet he never thought his future would depend on a fifteen-year-old boy like me, but it does.

"I won't lose." I tell him.

I have been on a winning streak for a while now, hopefully, it would remain that way. Every time I win, Howard kindly gives me a small part of the earnings, it is not much but considering the number of fights I have per week, I have managed to gather enough for the four of us to leave this place.

Howard keeps most of the money for himself, and that is how he managed to buy an expensive car, and how he is looking for a new house in the upper district. Before I joined the fights we barely had any money to eat, well not that it is any different now. He gives mom some money to shop for groceries but the money is not enough to feed a family of five.

According to him, we are the only two who need to eat, my mom, my sister, and Collin could starve for what he cares.

"This night I will give you a higher dose, I can't risk having you weak on the fighting ring." I feel a cold shiver when he mentions the drug.

It is something I hate doing, and I always feel terrible afterward. I might not know much about drugs, but I know enough to understand how you can become addicted to that.

I might only take those when I have fights but I suffer terribly afterward. My whole body shakes violently, and I have cold sweats even though my temperature is usually high. My mouth becomes dry and not even drinking three bottles of water will fix that.

And the worst part of it is that I don't have anyone to help me. I have to suffer in silence.

But I don't need help, I have to be strong.

When Howard mentions the drug, my mom raises her stare to me, looking at me with a worried expression. "I thought you said you were going to stop giving that to him." I know she wants to say more, I know she wants to stand up for herself, but she can't.

This has been going on for too long.

Mom lost herself many years ago, and I'm afraid the same will happen to Isabella. Sometimes I think they assume I enjoy this life, but I have to be the best, otherwise, they are the ones who will suffer. They don't know about the ultimatum Howard did to me a while back, they don't know I literally have to fight for our lives.

But that is alright because we are close to the end. A few more months and we can finally run away from here, all we need is a little more time.