Disclosure [h.s]

21

Evelyn

Saying that I was nervous about this encounter with Noah was an understatement.

After what had happened on the last time I was with Harry, it was clear to me that I needed to do something about it. And I have to start by being honest with Noah. How can I be with someone and at the same time I want to kiss another? I had to talk to Noah about this, he doesn't deserve to be in a relationship where I'm not even sure about my feelings.

I mean, I love Noah. We have been together for over a year now. We had ups and downs like every couple, but we also grew up together during this year. He made mistakes and I also made mistakes, but there is something about him that doesn't feel the same. I don't feel the same butterflies in my stomach, I don't count the hours until I see him again. Maybe that is normal, maybe that is just because we have been together for so long.

But is it enough?

How can I be with Noah when all I can think about is how good Harry's lips felt against mine? And how much I regret not letting him kiss me? I kept reliving that night in my mind hoping that I could feel his lips again on mine.

Who am I? Evelyn would never do such a thing, but here I was crying over a kiss that didn't even happen.

I'm not doing this because of Harry. I'm doing this because of the sensations he awakes inside me. Sensations I shouldn't be feeling when I am with another person. So that is why I am standing outside my university, waiting for Noah to pick me up so we can discuss our relationship.

And I was scared about it. Mostly, I am scared of Noah's reaction.

I am awakened from my thoughts when I see his car stop right in front of me. He is looking at me while I make my way to the car, opening the door before I get in. "Hey babe." He smiles at me leaning in to kiss me, but I simply give him my cheek. Noah steps away from me visibly embarrassed by my action.

"Hey Noah." It's all I say before I put my seatbelt on.

"Uh... Can we go to your house to talk?" I simply nod. Being in a public place is not ideal for the conversation we are about to have.

Noah begins the drive, thankfully it is not a very long drive until my studio. None of us dares to speak, too afraid of saying something that we will regret later. But he is the one to break the silence just as we are arriving at my apartment. "I have missed you. These days without you were so hard." I sigh with his words.

"I told you I needed time, Noah. What you did hurt me very much, all I could think was what you did six months ago." When I mention that, he rolls his eyes immediately.

"Are you still thinking about that after all this time? I told you I was sorry, and I paid for it, I never wanted to hit you. I was drunk and I thought you were somebody else." It still hurts me talking about this and it hurts even more that he simply wants me to forget it.

Noah was very drunk on that night, we were celebrating his birthday and he was out of himself when I tried to talk him through to calm him down. He thought I was one of his friends and he slapped me in the face. He slapped me so hard that I had bruises for days. As soon as he realized it was me, he broke down immediately, asking me for forgiveness. He passed out after that, and even though part of me knows he didn't want to hit me, he still did. And that is something I still remember vividly until this day.

I wasn't able to process it properly at the time. I was just shocked that he could get so violent, even if it wasn't at myself. I felt as if he revealed to be a completely different person from who I feel in love with all those months ago.