Transparent [Tsukishima Kei x Reader]

E 09

You sat comfortably on your bed with a soft smile on your face, phone in hand. After hearing a knock on your bedroom door, you locked your phone and placed it down beside you.

"Hey," Maki said, opening the door.

"Hey."

You smiled at Maki. He returned a soft smile towards you which made you furrow your eyebrows once you realized that something was different.

"Did something happen?" You asked, concern evident on your face. "Something about the mission? Did you get hurt? Did you get exposed?"

Maki chuckled a little before shaking his head and saying, "No."

"Then," You said, calming down a little and looking at him with a serious expression. "Is this about the other day?"

"Yeah."

You pursed your lips and took a breath out before smiling at him widely and patting the space next to you. Maki chuckled as he walked towards you and sat beside you.

"Alright," You said, facing him. "What's wrong?"

"When was the last time we were like this?" Maki asked, looking up at the ceiling.

"Huh?"

"Just talking," Maki clarified, still looking up. "Not worrying about anything else. Not talking about the mission."

"What's wrong?" You asked, concerned with how he was acting.

"I don't know where to start," Maki mumbled, looking at you.

"Just say what's on your mind," You said, placing your hand on him to give him the assurance that you were there for him, whatever it was.

Maki looked down at his hand below yours and said, "I'm only scared of one thing."

You raised your eyebrow at him, confused on why that was on his mind.

Maki turned his hand and took your hand in his and drew imaginary circles with his thumb on the back of your hand.

"And that's losing you."

You pulled back your hand from his to punch him lightly on his arm.

"Silly. You're never gonna lose me."

Maki didn't react to you punching him— his gaze was still fixated on his hand. He smiled softly before looking forward then up and sighing. 

"Have you ever thought of leaving the agency?" he asked.

"I'm never gonna do that," You said.

"I have."

"Huh?"

You blinked a little from confusion before realizing that he wasn't actually asking the question for you to answer. It was just his way of saying that he has.

"Surprised?" Maki asked, looking at you.

"When?" You asked.

"Last year," he answered.

"Ah," You said, recalling what specific time that was. "That time."

"Would you have left-"

"No," You answered.

Maki just nodded, expecting that answer from you.

"But, recently, I've been wondering how things would've gone if I didn't become one," You said. "Not a 'what if I left you?' but a 'what if I never chose to be an agent?'."

"I told you," Maki said, smiling softly at you. "That's normal. Dangerous but normal."

You looked down and sighed, bringing your knees closer to you chest and hugging them.

"Can we pretend?" You asked.

"Huh?" Maki said, not understanding what you were saying.

"Can we pretend that we're normal?" You asked, looking at him with defeated eyes. "Just for once?"

"If you really want to," Maki said, smiling at you. "Then sure."

"Ah," You said, throwing your head back. "I'm stumped on the homework."

Maki chuckled, amused with how you were acting.

"Me too," he said, the smile still on his face. "I still haven't done any of the homework."

"How's your summer been?" You asked, looking at the black-haired boy.

"Pretty boring."

"Mine's been very eventful," You said.

"Really?" Maki asked. "How?"

"Many training camps," You said, listing off the things you had done. "Many new people. Many new memories."

"That sounds fun," Maki said.

"It is."

You grabbed your phone and opened it. You smiled as you opened your album and showed Maki the picture you and the team took when you went to the carnival.

"Look at them," You said with a grin. "They're so fun to be with."

You brought your phone closer and swiped to look at the next photo— the one you took earlier. Maki looked away for a second when he saw a twinkle in your eyes while looking at the picture.

It was the picture of Kei that made you run away from him just so he couldn't force you to delete it. You couldn't help but admire the serene look on his face— something you never thought you'd ever see from him.

You frowned.

"You okay?" Maki asked, noticing the drop of the smile on your face.

"Do you think I have the right to feel something?" You asked, still looking at the picture on your phone.

"Of course you do."

"After everything?" You asked, looking at the black-haired boy.

"What?" Maki asked.

You locked your phone and placed it down again, sighing.

"I'm not a clean person," You said, hugging your knees. "So do I have the right to feel what an innocent person can feel?"

"This isn't just pretend anymore, isn't it?" Maki asked.

You looked at Maki before looking away and nodding. The black-haired boy pursed his lips before placing his hand on your hair and ruffling it, making you look at him.

"I told you," Maki said, smiling at you. "Of course you do."

"I felt it again," You said.

"What?" he asked.

"Infatuation," You answered. "But this time it feels so wrong because it's on someone who's sins are nothing compared to mine."

Maki looked at you, not knowing what to say. He couldn't say that you weren't a bad person, not with your line of work that stems from deceiving people to get them caught. Sure, you were all targeting people who were doing something illegal but that doesn't mean you or him were excused from any morally wrong thing you did.

"You're right. I should've stopped myself from crossing the line."

You glared at the floor and soon realized that your vision started getting hazy.

"Ah," You said once you realized that you had started crying. "I hate this."

You wiped your tears and sighed. 

Maki looked at you with a gloomy expression. The only time you cried was when you were completely overwhelmed and you couldn't handle things anymore. 

For you to reach this point meant that your head has been in constant turmoil for a while and you weren't able to logically handle it on your own.

"I wanna go back already and finish the mission," You said. "This is so tiring."