𝒟𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑒 𝒯𝑜 𝒯𝒽𝒾𝓈

42:: Just Jokes

"I really wanna talk to you but I feel like I'm annoying you."
-Unknown
~
Taehyung sang worriedly, making everyone concerned until he saw his closest friend entering the stage from the front and walking to sit beside Jungkook in front of him. He quickly finished his soundcheck hurrying to Namjoon as the dancers exited the stage.

"Hey Joon, we didn't mean to make you uncomfy, I'm sorry," Taehyung apologized with a deep frown as Jungkook nodded along.

"It's okay, you didn't make me uncomfy, it just made me think of something; you guys have nothing to be sorry about," Namjoon reassured.

"Are you sure? Because I don't wanna make you uncomfortable," Jungkook said sadly, looking at the older with his large doe eyes pleadingly.

Namjoon nodded and stood up to talk to Hoseok, not wanting the younger two men to worry about him.

"Hey Joon, are you okay? Did you take your meds?" Hoseok asked worriedly, keeping his voice at a low volume as to keep the attention off of them.

"You know I did. But please just stop questioning me, spread the word please," Namjoon said in an exasperated tone.

"Sorry, I just wanna make sure you're all good, we can't have you having an attack during a concert," Hoseok said, only half joking.

"Haha very funny, but really, please just tell Yoongs, okay?" Namjoon said.

Hoseok nodded, going to find said man. In the meantime, Namjoon sat down in the stadium chairs putting his face in his hands. He felt bad having lied to his closest friends, because he, in fact, was not okay, he was nowhere even remotely close to it. He was struggling not to scream and cry and just give up, but he couldn't do that. He had to hold himself together, for now, because if he broke down now he would be looked at like he was for weeks at work when it happened, like he was some fragile little sad being. He hated that people thought of him that way, so he only gets upset when he's at home or when he's alone in a hotel room.

"Hey Joon, they're gonna start dancing if you wanna watch," Yoongi said, sitting down next to Namjoon as if everything was completely normal.

Namjoon sat up, smiling at his Hyung in appreciation. "Thank you."

"For what?" Yoongi said, smiling.

"Thank you for respecting my wishes, Hyung." Namjoon said, looking at the man in front of him with gratitude.

"Anytime, but if you ever wanna talk, you know I'm not as mean as I look," Yoongi joked, despite being completely serious. He and Namjoon had grown quite close in the time they had been working together with Taehyung and despite his cold exterior, he was a very good person to talk to.

"You know me Hyung, I'll suffer in silence," Namjoon said as he watched Taehyung and Jungkook glide across the stage.

--

"Alright, once you're ready the vans are waiting like always, so whenever you're ready just go get in one unless otherwise stated," Namjoon announced to the group, everyone nodding and going to their dressing rooms.

Namjoon grabbed his bag and headed to his van. Yoongi and Hoseok follow after telling Taehyung and Jungkook to go to the first van. Once all of the dancers were in their cars Namjoon told the driver he could take them to the hotel.

"Hey Hobi, do you think I looked good while dancing? I didn't feel I was doing well tonight," Jungkook asked with a small pout on his lips.

"You looked better than everyone else, that's a given. But I could tell you were tired though. You still gave it a hundred even though you normally do a hundred and ten." Hoseok started looking back at Jungkook so he could see the sincerity in his eyes. Despite Jungkook's drowsiness, he was still able to outperform even Taehyung.

"You looked very good," Namjoon and Yoongi said at the same time, then laughing at themselves.

"I agree," Taehyung spoke, playfully checking him out and licking his lip, making the latter blush.

"Yuck," Yoongi grimaced jokingly, as Hoseok made a retching sound making them all laugh.
"You guys are so cute." Namjoon laughed.

"Us or them," Hoseok asked in a playful, yet also serious, tone.

"C, All of the above," Namjoon replied laughing, making everyone else laugh.

They continued cracking jokes until they got to the hotel, all of them laughing as they got out. Namjoon walked both couples to their rooms to lengthen his walk back to his room. He walked quietly and sadly back to his room, his thoughts taking over again since he didn't have anything to distract him. He slid his key over the sensor, entering his room with a single tear leaving his eye.

He got in the shower, not even bothering to take off his clothes, and allowed himself to release all of the tears he had been suppressing all day to flow, breaking down completely letting the water soak his clothes making them heavy. He didn't care who heard him scream and cry like a small child. He continued crying even when the hot water ran out, letting the cold water seep through his already wet clothes and onto his skin. He would have stayed in the shower longer, but the cold started getting to him after a few short minutes, so he decided to finally get out of the shower, taking off his wet clothes and leaving them in the tub to dry. Getting a towel from the rack and changing into warm clothes, he then covered himself in all the blankets in the room, then continuing to silently cry himself to sleep.

Namjoons dreams were just the whole event on replay through his head, him waking up in tears every few hours, but forcing himself to go back to sleep. He hoped it had stopped for good when it had stopped for the past few weeks, but he was obviously mistaken. The feelings had returned with a vengeance.

He couldn't help but feel as though the cause of his pain was seeing Taehyung and Jungkook and Hoseok and Yoongi in happy relationships with each other. Of course he didn't blame his friends, he wasn't going to tell them to stop being happy just so he could recover, but he knew their relationships were the cause of his pain. Knowing that they could be in happy relationships when the one person he wanted wouldn't be in a relationship with him. And even if he found someone other than Jin, he has too much anxiety when it comes to relationships after what happened. No matter how much he fantasized, he could never see himself having what Taehyung and Jungkook or Hoseok and Yoongi had, it just wasn't possible.

»»——⍟——««

Surpriseeeeeee we wanted to post today cause we love you all!!

Oops, we get more sad Namjoonie. But don't worry, he'll get the happy ending he deserves... Just not for another hot minute

We are just a wee bit sorry that we got off the main plot a lot in the past few chapters but like- everyone in the story needs a little recognition :)

Aaaaaaaanywaaaaays~

Stay safe, stay healthy, and until next time our Baby Crackheads <3

{Word count 1134 without endnote}

{Edited on 8-30-2020}