Panic Attacks // Ruel // English

Chapter 47

I went back inside and passed the table with a drinks. Quickly I take a shot and the burning alcohol slips down my throat. I want to grab another one but my wrist is gripped.  It is Zed.
Zed: "I thought you didn't drink. And your body can't withstand that much alcohol at one time. You'll be drunk in no time."
Yasmine: "Zed I feel like shit, so I happen to be drinking now."
He takes the shot from my hand and pulls me away from the table.

Zed: "Today we are not going to get drunk ... Who do you know here?"
Yasmine: "A few. Who do you know?" I ask angrily.
Zed: "Yasmine I want to help you. So we are going to find someone you know. Unless you want to spend time with me, but it's still smarter to have someone around who knows you."

We found June and Liam who had just left the group. They invite us to join them.
Zed: "Do you need water to flush the alcohol out of your body?"
I nod. But June pushes Zed back into the sofa by his shoulder.
June: "I don't trust guys with the drinks of a girl. Let me get it."
She walks away towards the kitchen.
Zed: "As if I'd put something in her drink." Zed still calls after her.
Yasmine: "Maybe I can't trust your - wait what color eyes do you have? - brown eyes." I say laughing, inspecting his eye color in the meantime.
Zed glances at Liam.
Liam: "Her attitude is always like that. In case you were wondering." Zed starts to chuckle softly. June returns with a cup of water and gives it to me.

Without actually thinking about whether it is smart or not, I take my medication. I feel so bad inside that I don't even care what could happen in combination with alcohol. It can't get that much worse.
Zed: "I don't think that was very smart."
Yasmine: "We're going to see what is going to happen."

I found out that I can see Ruel in the corner of my eye if I look far enough to the left. I keep staring but it doesn't make me better.
June: "Earth for Yasmine." She shouts.
It takes a while for what she's saying to sink in completely and I turn my head back to her.
Yasmine: "I'm going to the bathroom."  After a while I say silence, I push myself out of the couch and look for a way to get out of the circle the easiest.
June: "I'll walk with you."
She quickly follows me to the bathroom.

Suddenly I am overwhelmed by a really bad headache. I can no longer look myself in the eye through the mirror in the bathroom. I get even more nauseous than I already was. So much so that I hang over the toilet to throw everything out. June had already looked for Blake because I was starting to feel so bad. They come back just in time. Blake is holding my hair back so it doesn't get gross. Then I get cramps all over and I start crying.

Blake: "June can you get Ruel?" He asks over his shoulder as he crouches on the floor opposite me.
Yasmine: "No please not." I manage to release.
Blake: Yep, he didn't do anything. I've been around him the whole time. You don't think I'd call him if he broke your trust again."
I look at him with tears, but don't say anything.

I cramp even more to the floor when the pain returns.

Ruel quickly enters the bathroom and pauses.
Ruel: "Have you been drinking and taking your medication?" He asks concerned.
He sits down next to me and I nod gently.
Ruel: "Sorry sorry sorry I have made you feel like shit. I should have just stayed with you."
He gently runs his hand through my hair.

A shiver runs down my spine because of the cold bathroom floor. My body is getting colder and colder until it starts to shake. I am in a fetus position to experience less pain, but it only seems to get worse. The world around me is spinning with every little movement I make, like I'm floating. My body can barely move.

Blake: "Come on, let's take you home." He says when he comes back with a cup of water.
I have no idea what's going on around me. It feels like I am not quite in the world anymore. All the sounds I hear seem to reverberate and I can hear his voice very softly from the noise in my own ears.
Blake: "Yas do you think you can walk yourself?"
I can't answer, the words get caught in the back of my throat.
Ruel: "It is better if you carry her to the car. She trusts you completely. I'll do something wrong again." He says slightly insecure and hurt.
A few tears stream down my cheeks. I have brought down his certainty in himself. It's not just the confidence that I lose myself, but Ruel lacks his strong self-image. He starts to doubt himself.