Panic Attacks // Ruel // English

Chapter 52

(Yasmine's pov)
During the whole ride back home I am very anxious. I don't know if it was such a smart idea to allow Ruel's family to have dinner with us. What if my parents recognize them? I don't want to know what will happen to them, but not to myself either. Are they going to lock me up or something, because the influences the Van Dijks have on me are not what they want. Because the Van Dijks know about the situation and want to protect me. That makes the position of my parents very weak. I'm just afraid something bad is going to happen. I don't want to make anyone feel unsafe, the way I feel when I am with my parents.

Ruel: "Hey, look at me." Ruel commands as long as I keep looking outside, staring at the house in front of us.
I look at him with a sigh. I really don't want to go in.
Ruel: "It will be really fine. I am with you, nothing can happen to you."

I lower my eyes again, but he puts his finger under my chin and forces me look at him.
Ruel: "I know how crazy they are. You are not going to think I'm going to believe all those stories, are you? I want to see the real situation in the house. It is not even going to meet them."
Yasmine: "They are going to be nice to you anyway. I bet this isn't going to show the real situation."
Ruel: "I pay attention to the little things Yas. You know that. I quickly realize when something is not right or is unhealthy for someone."
I nod and muster my courage to open the car door. But I quickly turn around and give Ruel a kiss on the lips.

I walk in with a bag with the dress in it and a bag from the pharmacy. I want to flee upstairs as soon as possible, but then everyone is rushing over to Ruel.

Mom: "Let's start over again. This morning wasn't the best meeting ever."
Ruel: "I had already met you once when Yasmine got a hole in her head when she passed out from the car and hit the ground." He tries to say politely, but the sweet tone in his voice has disappeared.
I had already forgotten that had happened. There was not much to remember either. I have seen almost nothing of that. But it still seems freshly printed in Ruel's memory.
Mom: "Oh yeah. Let's forget that. Hi I'm Christy." She says as she reaches out to him. Reluctantly he shakes her hand.

Austin also joins the group. I keep looking at him with hatred in my eyes.
Ruel: "I've met you before. At the restaurant to be precise. Oh and that time on the street." He puts a fake smile on his face.
Dad: "We are starting all over again. I barely know you. You barely know me. That must change, right? I assume you can come here more often. I'm Austin. "
I see Ruel's hand clasping tightly around Austin's. Both try to take a dominant stance, but Austin loses.
Ruel: "Nice to meet you."
I have to hold back my laugh from the amount of ill-conceived words I hear.

Nola asks Ruel for a hug and he gives it. But I also see him whispering something in her ear that I can't hear from this distance. I really want to know what he is saying. They let go and Nola nods gently.

Ruel and I leave to my room where I lock the door from the inside. They are acting so 'nice' now that I don't want my mother to bring back lemonade and cookies.

Yasmine: "What a fake encounter. It almost makes me gag."
Ruel starts laughing. But then I look at him sternly.
Ruel: "Sorry." He says quickly when he clears his throat.
Yasmine: "That I have to go and listen to this all night. Can someone please come and save me from this hell."
Suddenly Ruel gets a small grin on his face. An idea is brewing. Then he rushes towards me, wraps his hands around my waist and lifts me up and then throws me onto the bed.
Ruel: "Here is your angel." He shouts. I start giggling when he attacks my neck with quick kisses.  Everywhere I feel his lips on my skin, on my neck, jaw, cheek, nose, forehead, chin, lips, and so on. I have nowhere to go and am trapped in his cage filled with love.
Yasmine: "Ruel stop that tickles."  I say laughing. I am starting to lose my breath because my body is over-stimulated by the tingling sensation.
He stops and looks at me with wide, playful eyes.

Ruel: "I know this is not the perfect setting to tell you this. But I just get the feeling that I have to get rid of it."
I look into his eyes in silence. The nerves are coming up.
Ruel: "I love you." He says.
I'm closing. I'm not sure what to say. I love him, really, very much, more than I would ever think I could love anyone. But I don't dare to say it.
Ruel: "You do-" He starts nervous because I don't say anything. But I cut him off.
Yasmine: "Ruel I love you too."
He looks at me for a moment as if he can't believe what just came out of my mouth. And then our lips are pressed together again. There seem to be more sparks coming from us. The kiss is filled with passion and love. We keep making out until we run out of breath and really need to take a break.
Yasmine: "I should have told you earlier." I say under my breath.
Ruel: "Even though we never said it out loud, I think we both knew."

Ruel slowly sinks through his arms and lies on top of me. I can feel him relaxe with his head on my chest. For a moment I forget where we are and what is going on. The only thing I can think about is him. The boy with whom I still want to experience so much, with whom I still want to make so many memories, with whom I can share my sorrows and fears and who wants to understand me and be there for me. All this time I lied to myself saying that Ruel wasn't connected to my heart that way. But he is. He is one of the few who has ever come this close. I feel a connection that I have never felt before. A security that I have never felt before. It is as if his heart is connected to mine by a very, very long transparent thread. I feel his fears, sorrows and joys from a very long distance.

I scratch his head until I hear a doorbell ring. I look at the alarm clock on the bedside table and see that it is already dinner time. So that will be Kate, Ralph, Sylvie and Coco.
Yasmine: "Let's go." I suggest.
Ruel: "Mhem." He mutters. It was something I couldn't understand.
Yasmine: "You didn't almost fall asleep, did you?" I ask with a smile.
Slowly he pushes himself high and he looks at me with very small eyes.
Yasmine: "Of course you did. What a sweetheart you are." I confirm with a smile on my face. I kiss him on the forehead and get out of bed.

I take a deep breath before turning the lock on the door.
Yasmine: "Come on, let's go back to hell."