Panic Attacks // Ruel // English

Chapter 9

*The next day*
It is weekend and I think I have had a tough week.
There is too much hassle on my mind.

To clear my mind, I decided to go for a run in the forest near beachwood.

I put on my sports legging with a sweater and put my hair in a high ponytail.

I think I ran for at least half an hour and it helped. It is a bit quieter again, but that doesn't mean that it is also gone.

I haven't got breakfast yet and now I am really hungry.
If I am close to beachwood, I might as well have breakfast there. Because I started doing something outside the house so that I didn't have to be at home. Not having breakfast at home is no problem.

I am waiting for my coffee with an apple. And in the meantime I look through the cafe and I have to laugh again.
It seems as if he can always be found here or something.

With my coffee in my hand, I walk to the table in the back.
Yasmine: "So here I can find you if I have to find you." I say smiling.
Ruel: "You come here often too." He bounces back.

I look at the other side of the table and a boy and girl are sitting there laughing at us. I assume they are friends of Ruel.
Yasmine: "Hi, Yasmine." I say as I hold out my hand.
My hand is received by the girl.
???: "Hi, June." She says shaking hand.
After which the boy shakes my hand.
???: "Liam." He says after which he nods his head.

Yasmine: "Am I disturbing or not?"
June: "No, not at all. Come on. They are almost only talking about FIFA, so it is boring." She says kindly, which makes me smile.

Ruel: "Well this meeting thing went much better than with me."

He's right, I know what made it better this time. Maybe because I have seen Ruel a few times and feel more familiar, but why would I greet his friends like that?

Yasmine: "That was your own fault, you sucker. I was kind until you called me gorgeous."
Liam: "But he is right."
Laughing, I put my middle finger towards him.

But then my hand is grabbed, but I pull it out of Ruel's hand again.
Yasmine: "You don't have to just touch me." I say irritated.
Ruel: "May I please hold your hand for a moment." He almost begs.
I sigh and give my hand that I just raised.

He runs his fingers over the side of my middle finger. But I feel very strange inside, my heartbeat suddenly increases.

Ruel: "What is this?" He asks when he goes over the black spot again.
Yasmine: "A tattoo."
June: "Wow are you serious? May I see."
I quickly give my hand to June. Away from the touch of Ruel. It makes me feel to strange.
Ruel: "But what should it represent?"
June: "Dude, if you paid a little attention to school then you know these are Roman numbers."
Liam: "What does it say?" He asks curiously.
Yasmine: "This is a birth date." I say quietly.
June: "But not yours right?" She says as my hand is released again.
I shake my head and look at the table.
June: "Okay, it's a sensitive subject, moving to another topic." She says quickly.
It makes me smile, finally someone who understands me a bit. I like her.

When she notices that Ruel wants to comment on it again, she looks at him angrily, so that he would keep his mouth shut.

Liam: "Are you coming to the party on Friday?" Ask Liam to change the subject.
Yasmine: "From whom?"
Liam: "Good friend of ours, it will be a very big party."
I don't really like parties, especially not very big ones. I hardly know anyone there. I often get stuffy during a party. Just because I don't feel safe enough.
Yasmine: "I'm thinking about it."
June: "Aww, please." She begs.

Ruel clears his throat and I turn to face him.

Yasmine: "Don't you want me to come? You really liked eavesdropping, didn't you?"
He looks at me wide-eyed.
Ruel: "You're just a little bit mysterious." He says laughing.
Yasmine: "That's because you don't know me. And it's better that we keep it that way."

Liam: "I really like the chemistry between the two." He says to June.
I laugh and then return to Ruel.
Ruel: "Why can't I get to know you?"

I shrug, my face darkens and I take a deep breath.
I know very well why I don't want to. A chill runs through me at the idea of ​​what can happen.

Yasmine: "Ruel please watch out, I'm going to hurt you and not just me. I'm trying to ward you off, but I can't do it alone." I say softly so that the others cannot hear it.
He looks at me questioningly. Not knowing what to do with this.

I get up and walk out of the cafe in silence.

Ruel: "Yas wait?! What do you mean?"
He asks as he runs after me.

I stop and turn with a sigh.
Yasmine: "Ruel, I'm trying to keep you safe."
Ruel: "What can happen?"

I go with my hands to my ponytail and tighten it. Things are already flying by in my head about what can happen, which does not exactly calm me down.

Yasmine: "You're going to hurt me. And I'm going to hurt you. And I can't assure you that it will just stays that way."
I'm not trying to yell at him, but I'm on the edge.
Ruel: "Yas, I don't get it. You can trust me."
Yasmine: "It's not about that. So leave me alone."
Ruel: "That will not work."
I bite the inside of my cheek to avoid crying here.
Yasmine: "Try harder! I have tried being around you, but it drives me crazy!"
I quickly turn around and go home.

I step under the running shower and let everything rinse off. I really need to start thinking clearly again.
I have to keep thinking about myself. I shouldn't be doing things that other people like if I have a choice.
So I have to stay away from Ruel, ward him off, and protect myself from him because I can't trust him.
If only it were that easy. Somehow he manages to pierce through me. He knows how to take stones out of my wall.
And I don't know what I can do about it. It just seems impossible and it means I have to surrender. But I don't want to let it get that far. Not if I can still counter it.

I put on sweatpants with a shirt and put my hair on a messy bun.

I lie in bed and try to take a nap. I got tired of this morning. But it doesn't work, my head is too busy again.

I'm going to look for the melatonin, but I can't find it anymore. I continue to Nola's room and then to my mother's room. But it cannot be found there either.

I walk down the stairs and focus on places where it can be.

Yasmine: "Nola do you know where the melatonin is?" I say then I look to her side.
Yasmine: "Wow, what are you doing here?" I say anxiously.