Panic Attacks // Ruel // English

Chapter 63

(Ruel's pov)
We are back in the hotel room and it has already become dark. Yasmine is in the shower when I sit in the wide windowsill and look outside. The lights color the city and give an atmosphere to the dark environment. The moon is full in the sky and shines into the dark room. My head rests against the cold wall behind me. Then suddenly I hear a phone ring and I realize it's mine. My eyes don't lose sight of the view as I reach for the phone in my pocket with my hand. The name on the screen tells me that Nate is trying to call me. Since he is my manager, I think it's smart to answer.

Ruel: "Hey, what's up?" I ask him.
Nate: "Ruel you can't keep postponing your rehearsals. You have to start preparing for your tour." Nate yells sternly at me from the other side of the line. I roll my eyes at his directness.
Ruel: "Sorry, but I've been busier with other things lately."
Nate: "You have to be hard on yourself. You're not going to give up your career for a girl."
I feel myself frozen by his words. They shoot into my heart and it hurts. I'm not giving up on my career. I'm just dividing my time. And now Yasmine needs my time more.
Ruel: "Nate I'm not giving up on my career. One rehearsal more or less won't hurt."
Nate: "You have to go all out or you won't make it."
Ruel: "What exactly are you trying to do? Make me go to bed feeling shitty? Do you want me to break up-" I rattle one after the other. "Fuck" I mumble when I find out what I just said as the last sentence.
Nate: "Don't act like we've all gone blind. I do know that you and Yasmine are in a relationship. You look at her as if you see the most precious thing for you and can hold it in your arms to protect it. Like your whole world is in front of you."
Ruel: "Is it so noticeable?" I ask shyly, feeling my cheeks getting warmer.
Nate: "I know you well enough to know things."
There is a moment of silence and I look outside again. I hear the shower tap turned off and the water stopped flowing. Which makes the room go very quiet.
Ruel: "I'll do my best to make sure everything goes according to plan from now on. Sorry." I apologize.  Although I don't even know what for.  Because actually I'm not sorry. If I feel that Yasmine needs me, I'll be there for her and I'll cancel my plans that are easy to resist.
Nate: "Then I'll see you next week... Alone. No distractions."
Ruel: "Fine." I say a little curtly.

I know Nate wants his best for me and my career. Only sometimes I want to decide my own things. It doesn't always come to me well, so I can react curtly and irritated. But it's not that I really mean it. Maybe in the moment. But he means well. He's my manager after all.

My tour was a secret I haven't told Yasmine yet. I can not do it. She's going to worry about the situation. When I go on tour around the world, I leave her in Sydney. Alone with her family. She can still stay at our house, but the only ones who will be there sometimes are Ralph and Sylvie. I don't want her to miss me because I still care about her so much even though I may be on the other side of the world. She mustn't forget that. I'm going to be concerned for her safety. That's why I'm trying so hard to protect her now, that's one thing I won't be able to do for a little while. And I know I can't take away all the danger for her, but I can make it more common. I just want to forget about it for a while and be alone with her when I still can. I'll tell her when it gets closer.

The bathroom door opens and Yasmine walks over to me. I put my hands on her hips and pull her closer to me as she comes to stand next to me. I look at what she's wearing and see my hoodie and shorts. The hoodie is much bigger, but that's what makes it cute. She puts a hand on my shoulder and then runs through my hair as she looks outside. I lean towards her and rest my head against her.

Yasmine: "Look... In the distance, by the mountains, are the waterfalls. We can go there too if you'd like."  Yasmine says as she presses her finger against the cold glass.
Ruel: "Should I start growing more calluses on my feet?"
She starts laughing.
Yasmine: "It's quite a walk, yes. But you can do that."
Her lips kiss my forehead and for a moment she rests her head on mine.